Life! Of course, it’s Beautiful!

Note- This is not my usual cheer up post... So read at your own risk! :-P

From past many days, I was thinking over everything happened in my life in last few years... Though I have things in my memory in bits and pieces... And I don't remember anything precisely but I do remember the time when I started writing Pearl...

I started blog with things which used to make me feel happy or positive... In fact, I truly believe that it was a point in time where everything going on in my life was just superb... Those were my MBA days... I had super awesome friends... Good fitness, cool grades and the best of life... :-)

Life moved on and things kept on changing... I was always so happy about everything around me... Be it my first job or my friends or my body... My attitude towards life... Everything was always a fairy tale... And I was the Princess...

I messed up in my jobs by choosing wrong ones but still my life was great as I had my friends & family to support me in my decisions... And my decisions were mainly ruled by heart... Many times I had done things without practically evaluating the pros & cons of it... And never regretted.... That’s the power of your people and their faith on you.

Moving on in life... I faced some real bad situations and met some disgusting people. Of course, in every fairy tale there is a villain to spoil everything... Things changed drastically and horribly...  I lived a nightmare in real... All the fairy-tale theory came to an end... It took me everything to gather myself back... I so wished to disappear from this earth but as God had others plans and I stayed here... :P But, it all changed something in me...

And as they say “What doesn't kill you, makes you Stronger” :P

I don't wanna recall that depression I went through for more than an year... but, all I know today is I am not the girl who started writing this blog... Those incidents altered me completely.

After all the turmoil... I landed up in a bank as a salesperson... It truly helped me in realising that “working in a bank is not the worst thing that can happen to you..., it can be good too”

I had this phobia in mind since college days that banks are real bad, but trust me... I had good time there and I met some great people.... which helped me in overcoming the depression I was facing... I moved on... I never liked my bank job... but, even today I love the people I met... And it's always about people, unless you are travelling! :P

Finally, the present... I love the organisation I work for but I terribly miss my friends...

I realised why people in college used to say life is not a bed of roses, grow up and be practical! And how I used to tell them it’s always beautiful no matter what... Now, I know they were not wrong :))

They say "har jagah sab kuch nahi milta" which I never agreed in life... I always believed it’s in our mind... It’s all here if we are content... But, first time I realised... No matter what you have and what you do... If you don't have your people with you... It’s all waste...

I never felt this way in my life... Except... once in school when I was shifted to a new section with new kids and I was lost for many days... This is a similar feeling... I somehow feel everything is missing... I have learnt a lot though... It’s a churning experience for me and it was important... 

Today, I am less bothered about people... but, I have realised the value of my people more than ever and I miss them.

As of now... I m in search of the girl I used to be...  I know it’s in me... Somewhere scared... She used to inspire people to follow their heart and live life king size... Today, I am looking for that zeal again...

I need a miracle... I know they happen... God send me your angel... your best angel... I know I am your favorite... :-) Love you.. Please bless my people... Muaah :-*

Right or Wrong!

The topic itself is very subjective... As the definition is absolutely different for each one of us... What is wrong might be right for some... and vice-versa.

Recently, media released a documentary projecting the views of a rapist involved in Nirbhaya’s case.. listening to which I had a strong urge to kill those 5 people... And their mindset killed something inside me... So helpless I feel... what a useless existence I have if I can’t do anything to change this!

I was thinking about the points he said, the crime he committed... and our law’s take on it... I wonder what our government is waiting for. Why is he still alive?

But, thinking deeper on it, I asked myself “Is all law so weak, or, we as a society are incapable?”

We all blame law & order, it’s easy... but are we strong enough to raise our voice against wrong things.... And the answer is clear NO!

We all think about our individual existence, these cases like rapes, robberies are happening publicly but what people are doing except for keeping their mouth shut... I sometimes hate it... people can argue, gossip & crib later but when it’s about taking a stand for right or wrong they only think about themselves as an individual and stay quiet... If we as an individual will not stand against wrong we won’t be able to stop injustice... it’s not law... It’s ‘us’!

People always favour the one in power whether it is political or any other... no matter whether he/she is right or wrong... We live in a country where if you are strong ‘power-wise’ or ‘position-wise’ you are always right... And no one is bothered about the one who is weak, whether he/she is actually wrong or not..... And our media shows what they are paid for... It’s all “Power Game”...

Politics, law & order are very different level altogether... And most of it is beyond our control but this power game can be seen easily everywhere.. Be it a corporate or college or any other organisation...

No one supports an individual fighting against wrong... Everyone is only concerned about their existence, promotion, reputation etc... When we love gossiping and debating about these big level issues and blame our law and order why can’t we look around us and see what we are really upto... Most of the times people never support the ‘right thing’ till the time they are also affected... They blindly support the one in power... Issues are ignored completely till the time its personal! 

For rapists and murderers, we love saying “inko faansi pe chadha dena chahiye!”, “goli maar deni chahiye” but really what we are from inside... They can be hanged till death if only we learn to take our stand... I wonder, I live in a country where people died fighting and today all I see around me is a bunch of individuals living for their comfort and cribbing about social issues without even trying to play their part.... No one cares about right or wrong... All they know is their existence... And talk about justice... Bullshit!

The problem is we love cribbing & gossiping but don’t wanna take an initiative to stand against wrong... When its about taking a stand even the so called 'independent' guys are like "chhod na yaar, apne ko kya"; "hum kyu fassein, hone de jo ho raha hai"!

I feel I live in an era of “Spineless” youth....

And, alone I can’t change everything but... that cannot stop me from playing my part... I am not scared or afraid....

For... if I am right I fear nothing!

God, give me strength to not only stand for what is right but, also, to accept the fact that you are all alone when you take a stand! Amen.

Amnesiac Me!

I always wanted to have a poor memory... Not because I don't want to remember things.. But, I hate remembering everything which often leads to over thinking...

Lately, I have realized or rather observed I am losing my past from my brain... Or experiencing a different phase may be... I can't recall things easily from my memory and its not just memory I find it almost impossible to recollect what I did last week, month, yesterday or even in the morning... I forget about movies watched, places visited and people met... Forgetting faces and names is just very normal for me... May be this has helped me in maintaining a diary at workplace... ;-)

Its something like an initial stage of amnesia of 'Drew Barrymore' as shown in '50 first dates' :P

And that's not all... I even face attacks from my memories... Like all of sudden I feel about certain people or moments very strongly and emotionally and all of sudden in fraction of second I go blank... I am not sure whether its serious or not but I wanted to jot it down before I again forget what is happening.... :P

I really can't recall or feel the time when I started pearl and the feel is washed off... I can't feel many things but at the same time I feel certain things so bad that they hurt... And, I am not on any medication... Yes, I take my caffeine dose but that's under check...

At times, I go thinking about one thing for hours and in a second I forget it completely as if it never happened...

When I read my old posts.. I wonder... it's written by me... How's it possible... I mean I really thought all that.... That's really great work... :P but really... I mean its hard to believe...

I have changed mentally and emotionally although I am still weird emotionally but mentally I am total different human... I feel I dunno who I am... I keep searching myself.... And I dunno what all I jotted down... 

God, as usual I'll ask for the same thing which no amnesia can erase :P take care of my people and bless me with a poor memory... love you :)) :*