In pursuit of Happiness!

The year is in its second half and going through my own blog I realized I was absolutely lost all this while.

A wise man told me sometime back- “If it happens as per your wish its good, but if it happens otherwise it’s for the best!”

Many things happened this year, unexpectedly good and unexpectedly not-so-good but I think those not-so-good happenings pushed me towards happy and good ones which otherwise were out of the question.

I genuinely believe 'you are exactly where you are supposed to be and what meant to be, always find it's way'.

And I am the one who is too restless to accept the same most of the times even though it's imprinted on my subconscious mind. Ah, my yoga lingo. :P

Happenings so far this year were somewhat like this, I'll start with the first one and moving on to another in the sequence they happened-

January-

1. New Year Celebration- I can't recall how I celebrated my new year but I am sure it was peaceful, nothing crazy. I was with my family, I got up happy, not sleepy nor sad. I was content on Jan 1st and visited the temple in evening. Blissful calm day.

2. Karan Bellani- The guy I met here on BlogSpot 9 years back and my oldest blogger buddy. He was the only guy who promised to be my friend till the end and he kept it. His unexpected death was a shock to me and it taught me a lot. I was unable to believe he is no more when I read it on FB and called him to check multiple times, one day his mom called me back looking at my missed calls in his call log to say “beta, Karan is no more”. He died of ALS, Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. I don't want to recall anything, I love escaping it.

We met thrice in 9 years, so I convinced myself he is still there in Bombay living his life peacefully. But, Facebook! FB memories keep reminding me of him, the time I visited Bombay and he took days off from his schedule to show me around or when he visited Delhi and I took him to my favorite places. :(

I still remember our walk on the roads of Bombay, at night, though we had a bike we preferred exploring roads on foot, we walked for almost 6 hours aimlessly trying roadside foods and exploring markets, we talked and talked and talked, but, I still wonder he never told me about his ALS!

Rest in Peace, Karan. Bombay will never be the same for me without you.

3. Nag Tibba-

My 1st trip of 2018, I wanted it to be calm, snowy, starry and mountainy. So, I decided to go solo on a short trek near Dehradun known as Nag Tibba. It was a whole different story and a very different experience for me. For the first time I was traveling with all Delhiites (except one Bangalore guy). :P

It was a very short 2-day trek and after day 1 of trekking, the group denied to get up at 5am next morning for the final summit. During our dinner time, in a group, they announced: “that's it, we are not going to get up early for trek tomorrow, it’s enough”. For the first time, I saw trek leader massaging legs and rubbing balm on female trekkers' knees. :P

The night was loud as they played loud music opened liquor bottles and started smoking. It was difficult for me to sleep, but, I managed. I was sure if no one else, at least the Bangalore guy is going for the Summit.

I got up in the morning and to my surprise, many more motivated themselves to drag till the Summit.:P

I can never forget this experience. One good thing was I found a new friend from Bangalore with a thousand things to talk about, all nerdy and geeky. :P

And I promised myself not to go anywhere near Delhi for trekking in the future. 

February-

4. Calcutta trip- 

Another trip to East, the good part about my office was these frequent trips but then they used to be so packed and hectic, I started realizing I no more love traveling. I wanted peace and recreational time. I mean, going to Calcutta and not getting even 10 mins for myself was crazy. Travel is always beautiful though but I need to soak into the beauty of the place which was missing. I reached Calcutta at 4pm for the event which was 7pm, all I could do was taking shower, getting ready for the evening, reaching to the venue, coming back to the luxurious hotel and sleep. Flying back to Delhi next morning! Rushing like crazy!

One good thing was, I was able to finish a book during my in-flight time and skipped my dinner at the event venue to enjoy Bengali sweets at night in my hotel!

5. Grandpa- My grandpa was not keeping well for quite some time and this time it was worsening, every time I used to visit hospital I used to cry after coming back. I still remember that one evening when I went to the ICU with multiple beds and he was on the front bed and I looked at him and couldn’t believe it's him, I looked around to find him but it was him, so weak and pale and unable to move. I went closer and asked him if he could recognize me and he was unable to utter my name.

That was the moment I lost faith in the hospital, I remember he loved being at home no matter how unwell. I came out of ICU and spoke to the doctor and he said grandpa will not survive for many days and he needs to be on dialysis followed by a ventilator, I asked him what are the chances of improvement, on which doctor said survival chances are zero!

I was furious and decided to take him back home.

We arranged a surgical bed, male nurse and a private surgeon and had a big fight with hospital management during his discharge. Anyhow, my grandpa was happy and I could see him improving at home. He used to smile and talk to me though he was unable to eat through his mouth. He used to love home, everything here was picked by him even the designer sofa set and the curtains, I remember taking him to Kirti Nagar to select his favorite designs.

He was doing well but the surgeon said "he can go any moment". I denied to believe. He was improving and I was hopeful until one day he denied to talk to me. He slept for 1 complete day. And the next day He left us. :(

I was unable to believe it and why should I, he is still with me, around me. Reading it all, while I am writing it. 

March-

6. Singapore trip-

My second office trip of the year, and although it was my first ever international trip I was not at all excited, I mean, travel used to be one thing I used to love the most and now it was also failing. After losing interest in my workout routine due to my work schedule, now, I was losing interest in travelling.

This trip was for senior management and I and my one more colleague were going as an exception, and even that exception failed to excite me. :P

I called my boss to say I am not willing to go and if they can cancel my booking, on which she said “you should go and bookings can't be cancelled”. As they say, what’s meant to be find its way.

I landed in Singapore, it was all luxury trip for an Annual Strategy Meet, stay in 5 star hotel, brilliant buffets, dinners at the very best locations like Marina Bay Sands and The Altitude (the highest point in Singapore).

The time I enjoyed the most in Singapore was the day I landed in Singapore and decided to explore it myself by skipping my pre-booked dinner at again some 5 star fine dining property, the best part was my fone was not working.

After everyone left for the dinner, I left my hotel in the evening to roam around on the streets of Singapore. I decided to eat the local food and check out the local flea markets. So much I loved that evening, I bought local chocolates, ate local food and had the best time sitting on the street side looking at the new city, feeling the different air on my face and hair. But of course, I had to pay the price for this freedom, when my boss told me you are not a child, you are here on a work trip and are supposed to be on time and be with the group all the time. She was not very happy about my little adventure. :P

Our routine used to be staying in the conference from 8am till 6pm, listening to the sales agendas and progress of last financial year, getting dressed up by 7pm and going to some luxurious pre-booked venue for dinner with the management.

One evening when I was sitting on the rooftop of “The Altitude”, listening to the live music and cherishing the view of the city lights from the top, I looked up at the sky and the stars. Talking to the stars, they asked me “Are you happy being here, this is so amazing?”

I looked around once again, my boss, her boss and other bosses drinking and laughing and enjoying, it was a beautifully luxurious jail, with fine wine and cheese and the best of dresses people could wear and all those things most of the people dream of and would do anything for. And nothing was wrong with it. But...

But, I could not relate to it, it was not my world. It was not for me. As strange as it may sound, I decided to go back to my hotel. The plan was to stay there by 2-3am but I left around 12.

I loved the overall feel of the city and I loved the luxury, who doesn’t, so I cherished my time in Singapore with the only wish of getting time for myself, it was just unfair to the place. What good is a big bath tub if I can’t take a long rejuvenating bubble bath.

On our last day, I went for a small walk around and bought a few more things before leaving the city. Also, I promised the city to be back soon with all my time. :-)

7. Realisation- 

After coming back from Singapore, I was subconsciously realising this was not what I wanted for myself. I cannot lose these simple joys in life for money. Along with it, there were many more things happening which were killing me within and I was unable to bear it. I needed a break.

April-

8. Contemplation- 

Contemplation happens. And it happens on it’s own, when it’s supposed to be. I realised many things, I was happy but I was in pain. A strange pain I cannot define here. The same pain I was in, 9 years back. And once again history repeated itself. This time I had no friend so close to share with. I needed time for myself..

9. Resignation- 

I needed a break and I took it. I left my job and decided to hibernate. And for the first time, I was not worried about what will happen in my future. This was what I needed exactly at that point of time. A break from my own self. And the future, I was not even thinking about it.

10. Nepal and Everest Base Camp- 

April 17^th was my last working day and on April 20^th, I was in Nepal.

The trip was more about Nepal for me and less about Everest Base Camp, and yes, Rupin Pass still tops the list of my favourite treks.

I went for EBC with my brother, and we started our trek on 22^nd April.. EBC was amazing in terms of views and the experience but it was overly commercialised and very crowded. It was nothing like a trek. It was more about crossing a valley to reach to another guest house sort of crowded place. I will any day prefer Himachal over Nepal for a trek in particular.

Also, I had another “Acute Mountain Sickness” and this time it was much severe than the last time, I felt I am surely going to die this time. :P

More than EBC it was Nepal that we enjoyed, amazing nightlife of Thamel, beautiful temples, streets of Pokhara and a round of Golf at Himalayan Golf course.

Nepal was overall a brilliant experience; we experienced Lukla flight and Chopper ride which was once in a lifetime experience.

I might visit Nepal again for EBC via Gokyo lakes route, but, that’s a farfetched idea. I need to work on my fitness first. :P

Well, I guess it’s enough for now. I am not willing to talk about my next 3 month long hibernation in the mountains.

Dear God, you know what I’ll say. Thank you for everything. I love you. Take care of my people. Muaah. :*

Serendipitous Siliguri!

The moment I landed in Bagdogra, the first thought that crossed my mind was

"Someday, I'll come here for my trek"

Siliguri for work was never on my mind to begin with!

Gosh, so much I love new places.. I find myself smiling every time I travel, most of the time, throughout, without any reason and it comes naturally! 

And I try to control it every time I find a curve on my lips, crazy happy kid! :)

My journey began with very weird incidences an evening before my travel, long long story which I would not like to discuss. :P

I landed in Siliguri on Thursday afternoon, in a super hot weather, coming from Delhi, I was wearing a sweater and a jacket and since, a friend told me it's cold in Siliguri, I was carrying a leather jacket too. 

Definition of cold for someone living in Delhi and in love with snow is a bit different. I landed here and was all in sweat instantly, like I was in Chennai.. Ah, my Chennai Love! :P

Soon after check-in, I left for work, my work here was to be a part of an event organized by my company, and just to tell you it was a 'food festival' and people in East are crazy about food. And I was traveling alone from our North office.

This place felt so much like Calcutta but without yellow taxis and Rosogullas, the day ends here by 5pm, you can see dark night sky and bright moon by 5pm.

It was a feeling like what  you feel between Delhi and Chandigarh, Chandigarh is organized though. :P

I met people from my Calcutta team here, luckily, the guy I met on day 1 was a half Delhiite, he lived in Gurgaon for almost 12 years, so we had quite a lot to talk about. From Rice Liquor in Gurgaon to Korean Coffee to the most happening places and the life, THE LIFE IN GURGAON! Crazy! 

Of course, who knows about life in Gurgaon better than me. :P

On day 1, I tried the famous Singada which is known as Samosa, and Puchka, our very own Golgappa in Delhi.

On coming back to our hotel, we tried local food for dinner, another different thing here was, everything you eat is made of refined flour, no wheat flour.. forget instant breads, even rotis, parathas, pooris were made of refined flour. Not trying to act pricey, ate whatever I got quietly. In Delhi, I avoid brown breads too, here I was eating white chapatis! And was loving it, thoroughly! :P

Next day, more people joined us from Calcutta and the group was now a big one. Too many people, too much to listen to.

One more thing I have noticed in Calcutta people is, they are too possessive about their city.

I was having breakfast with someone from the city, must be in his 50s, during a general discussion, I was telling him how similar I find Siliguri and Calcutta, on which he argued as if I said something very disrespectful. I mean, It's my experience and observation, indeed no two cities are same but they tend to resemble. He defended Calcutta by saying there is no other place like Calcutta in India. Ah! Right!  

I like Calcutta, It's slow, calm and relaxed like no other metropolitan. Best of both worlds, life in metro with a peace of small town, absolutely chilled out!

But then I love Bombay, so amazingly fast and happening and safe and what not! 

It was writing about Siliguri and I am roaming in India. :P

I seriously feel my Siliguri trip was Serendipity, I never expected it, nor looking for it but I am really happy it happened. :-) :-)

I enjoyed every bit of it with work, though, it was very hectic but I really cherished it all this while.

December is here and my history of Decembers is crazy, already started with a super exciting and mad one. :P

By the way, I finished few more books and already halfway through my next one, which makes it 8 in November and since my December is here let's see how many more I'll be able to finish! :P

For me December is Devil's month, all my demons are highly active, creating mess in my head and life.  

Dear God, I love you. Please take care of my people and please please help me sailing through December! :* :*

P.S.- Belated Happy Birthday Pearl :)

Slow Life.

I want a slow Life in a small town!

So much changes with time, at one point of time, all I wanted was a successful career, money, luxury, comfort, of course, along with my people. Ten years back, my dreams were different from what they are today. My dream house used to be  a lavish one in a metro city with every comfort inside and even the comforts were different from what they are now. And, I have always believed I will earn it. 

And today, the only thing similar from my previous dream is my people, everything else changed. I no more want a huge amount of money or a super career or a luxurious lifestyle or a very big house in a crowded city. All I need is a peace of mind, a slow life in a small city, peaceful evenings with my loved ones and good food on the table. 

I am back to square one, where, I again want a small house on the green hills with a small river flowing around, with everything I need to survive, clean air, clean water, clean food and a fireplace to keep me warm in winters. Less noise, more smiles and no mobiles.

I crave for stress free weekends at home, sipping my coffee in peace, reading a book, cooking in my free time for my people. Sleeping till late, playing a sport, listening to old music, doing something creative with calmness around. Travelling often.

A place away from maddening crowd. 

I don't want a social life where I have 500 friends on Facebook, 300 followers on Instagram and hollowness inside. Wishing festivals to hundreds of people on WhatsApp and not feeling anything! 

I want to be with few people I truly care about.

Aah I was watching 'DDLJ' the other day, what a life it was without mobile phones, when everything was real. Emotions were real, people used to make effort to meet, talk and see each other. So complicated yet so sorted!

Irony is, by default I belong to that Era, I have seen that life and I can compare it. And I know I can't go back there, even when I know it was so much better.

Mobile phones with internet are a curse, I feel I am never free. I am always followed, entangled in chains everywhere. On every damn social media if you are online, you are visible to everybody and you are bound to reply. I hate being rude and ignorant and I don't want to be there. 

Sometimes, I really wish to run away from it. 

Dear God, I won't ask for anything from you! Just take care of my people. And I Love You.

I miss my people! :-(

My thoughts are looking for words which I am unable to gather.

I am happy still I feel something is terribly wrong.. may be I need to do certain things... may be I need to leave everything and run away to a far away land and hibernate.

I feel lucky to have whatever I have... my people.. my family... a job to earn money to travel.... but.. still I feel my life is not going in a direction I want it to be...

I don't know what's different.. life was like this 5 years back too but still everything is different..  I am back to square one from where I started but I terribly miss certain people in my life..

I know I am god's favorite girl and whatever happens in my life is for my good..  but it's killing me... I wish I could have certain people back...

For me.. I feel everything feels alright when I am with my loved ones... no matter difficult life is... I carry on without regrets.. and in all this sometimes I go helpless.. no matter how strong I pretend to be.

I do have my family and friends but... then... I miss certain people from past... I miss the girl I used to be with them... totally stupid, immature, childish.. and still loved..

When I had a bad job and tough time.. it never looked difficult... and today I have a good job... happy life and it all looks incomplete...

I hate writing things which are not happy... and worst thing today is I find it very difficult to even write anything...

There are days when I feel happy.. genuinely happy but I can't express it to anybody.. or sad for that matter... I force myself to sleep.. but I can't write...

Some days.. I just go blank and depressed for no good reason... I keep asking myself what's wrong with me! And I don't get an answer.

Once I prayed to be numb and emotionless... God gifted me that too and today that numbness is killing me because it's not me... :-(

I feel it's not just my people I miss but I miss myself too..  may be I can't be what I was with them with anyone else...

Something died in me over all these years and I am not liking it anymore...

God, please give my people back... life looks so impossible and hollow without them... enough it is... I know I am stupid and idiot but I promise I'll try my best to improve...

Please... :-(

P.S.- please don't leave any comments on this.

Happy Birthday Pearl :-)

The most difficult thing is when you don’t have feelings to express!

I started Pearl to write whatever I feel, but now, I don’t feel anything... just nothing. I am blank mostly in my head. And heart, what’s heart? Oh yes, the blood pumping organ. Yeah, I have that :P

Weird I know but true.

I have changed or something died in me or may be everything is all right, I just over think.

Happy 6^th Birthday Pearl. I am sorry for being so irresponsible towards you.

But, I still love you. And love is not a feeling. Muuaah.

I Love Shoes!

Well.. I wanted to name the post's title as "women loves shoes"... but then I thought... All women are different... It'll be an injustice to our gender to say that... ;-)

Although, I am still very sure... Majority of Women loves Shoes.. I really dunno what is behind this particular attraction.. Not just shoes women are mostly inclined towards handbags, perfumes, black/pink clothes.. Till date.. I never came across anyone (men & women) saying that they hate black dresses/outfits except my dad... Though His reasons are different for not liking black..

Anyways.. Coming back to Women... Yea.. they love beautiful things... glitters... jewellery, accessories, good looking technologies (many women compromise on technological features and details)... You'll rarely find any girl carrying ugly looking or very big mobile phone or any other gadget.. Women are more interested in reliability than anything else... They love to look good and can spend endlessly on this.... They love gossips... Well... I can write a book on this... Wait! I can write a book on men too.... :P

For now.. I'll better stick to what I was writing... i.e., My love for shoes... :P

I personally feel here is something attached to everything related to my feet... whether it is shoes... feet care... Nail paint... foot accessories.. foot massage or anything... It makes me feels so happy when I do anything for my feet... :-)

And among everything related to feet... I love shoes the most... Reason are many.. I don't need to spend much time on choosing them... Its a real feel good factor to possess a great pair of red heels.. black pumps... comfortable running shoes.. Golden & Silver flats... Beige ballet shoes (I love calling them "Madeline shoes", Inspired from a cartoon character named Madeline who used to wear such shoes), brown boots... it feels like I have so much comfort :D

Good and complementing shoes can change the entire look of a person... It makes one feel better... More confident... Specially high heels... Shoes color and type can define a person's inner personality as well... So, if you are aware of this you can know a few things about a person without even having a word with him/her just with a glance at the shoes..

My love for shoes compelled me to further research on this topic and I came across some interesting findings. I would love to share a few lines from some interesting ones-

Women and Shoes: A Love Story-

There's some serious mood-boosting going on when you try on any kind of apparel. "The neurotransmitter dopamine is released, providing a feel-good high, similar to taking a drug," says Martin Lindstrom, a branding expert for Fortune 100 companies and author of Buyology: Truth and Lies About Why We Buy. "The dopamine increases until you swipe your debit card." Usually, the high then flatlines, and guilt starts creeping in...except, that is, when the item you're purchasing is a pair of shoes. "Shoppers rationalize shoes as a practical buy — something they can wear multiple times a week — so they hold on to that pleasurable feeling longer," says Lindstrom.

My Review- Interesting Research

You can read the full article on Cosmopolitan

Top Reasons Women Loves Shoes-

Shoes work real magic “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.” ― Marilyn Monroe. I feel like I'm on top'a the world in my shoes:) I can be wearing anything at all..it could be the most boring, dull outfit...but as soon as I put on the right pair of shoes, I become Cinderella. Like magic :) There isn't one pair of heels in my closet that don't work that magic. I always said shoes were the most important part of the outfit :) And yes, shoes and clothes for women have so, so, so much more variety than the mens stuff. Colours, shapes, sizes, fabrics/materials, clasps, buckles, straps, jewels...there's no stopping the creativity with shoes.

My Review- Brilliant Article

You can read the full article on About.com

Why do women love shoes?

- the shoes are great accessories
- even if you gain weight, you are the same size
- when having the need to treat themselves, women buy shoes and they are happy
- wearing the right pair of shoes increases the self esteem
- the shoes with high heels makes her feel like having longer lags
- the shoes are the expression of their identity as great women
My Review- I pasted the best part above!

You can read the full article on Shiny Grey

Well, the search on Google suggested number of results as always... So I shared the ones I liked... :-)
Hope you'll find them interesting... And you can share if you come across anything interesting on the topic... I would love to read that.. :-)

Belated Happy Birthday Pearl!! :D :D

Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY :) :)
I hate my internet :( the moment is all spoiled.... I was so excited yesterday and wanted to wish you Yesterday only but my internet wasn't working it goes out of service hardly once or twice in an year why the hell it was the day I was waiting for so eagerly :( :(

Here is the birthday post I wanted to post yesterday evening...

***Today is your 1st birthday :D.... And here I am with a name for you... Pearl!
Pearl.... when it came in my mind I was not thinking about its meaning but once I started liking it I wanted to relate you with its meaning........

"Pearl is a hard substance found deep beneath the sea inside the shell covered with number of coated layers on it and due the presence of numerous layers it’s very hard in nature its appearance is soft and soothing.... "

Pearls are of different colors.... Earlier I thought of calling you "Pink Pearl" but then I felt it’s not going with my personality.... Way too girly... :P Second option was "Red Pearl" but it’s already given to Nokia's new phone series.... Well... I dropped the idea of using colors and I decided to leave it as Pearl only.....

In college all the time I was thinking about this moment when I’ll go home and wish you your first birthday...It’s such a great feeling... :D
I am feeling nostalgic :D.... Last year when I started writing I was stressed about my SIP and this year too scene is no different am worried about Job :))
But whatever I am happy about this one year.... We spent together :)) Writing was always my hobby but now when you are here in my life it’s a part of my life I know at times I feel lazy or moody or remain busy but the thought of your existence is always there in my mind... just like your loved ones whether you daily meet them or not but the feel that they exist is always there in the back of the mind.... I really wanted to do something special on your birthday so I tried poetry for you.... :) My first attempt exclusively for you :D here it goes......

You were with me when I was feeling low....
You gave me reasons to feel good and glow....

I shared with you the moments I smiled I cried
At times I was crazy but I never lied ;)

You are special and so is your day
Here I am wishing you a Very Happy Birthday :D

Love you Pearl…. muaah… :D :D

And thank you God for everything :)***

This was something I was waiting to post whole day long.... but anyways :) :)

Once again Belated Happy Birthday Pearl! :) :)

Note: Yesterday was my blog's first Birthday :)