I miss my people! :-(

My thoughts are looking for words which I am unable to gather.

I am happy still I feel something is terribly wrong.. may be I need to do certain things... may be I need to leave everything and run away to a far away land and hibernate.

I feel lucky to have whatever I have... my people.. my family... a job to earn money to travel.... but.. still I feel my life is not going in a direction I want it to be...

I don't know what's different.. life was like this 5 years back too but still everything is different..  I am back to square one from where I started but I terribly miss certain people in my life..

I know I am god's favorite girl and whatever happens in my life is for my good..  but it's killing me... I wish I could have certain people back...

For me.. I feel everything feels alright when I am with my loved ones... no matter difficult life is... I carry on without regrets.. and in all this sometimes I go helpless.. no matter how strong I pretend to be.

I do have my family and friends but... then... I miss certain people from past... I miss the girl I used to be with them... totally stupid, immature, childish.. and still loved..

When I had a bad job and tough time.. it never looked difficult... and today I have a good job... happy life and it all looks incomplete...

I hate writing things which are not happy... and worst thing today is I find it very difficult to even write anything...

There are days when I feel happy.. genuinely happy but I can't express it to anybody.. or sad for that matter... I force myself to sleep.. but I can't write...

Some days.. I just go blank and depressed for no good reason... I keep asking myself what's wrong with me! And I don't get an answer.

Once I prayed to be numb and emotionless... God gifted me that too and today that numbness is killing me because it's not me... :-(

I feel it's not just my people I miss but I miss myself too..  may be I can't be what I was with them with anyone else...

Something died in me over all these years and I am not liking it anymore...

God, please give my people back... life looks so impossible and hollow without them... enough it is... I know I am stupid and idiot but I promise I'll try my best to improve...

Please... :-(

P.S.- please don't leave any comments on this.

The Jungle Book!

Happiness is watching your favorite childhood characters on "Big Screen" :-)

It was Friday evening.. 5.00 pm... Sitting in office I was craving to watch "The Jungle book"...

I know I can once again say "agar kisi cheez ko poori shiddat se chaaho toh poori kayanat usey tumse milane ki saazish mein lag jaati hai" and once again I experienced it :-))

This was the same excitement I used to have when I was a small kid... I was dying to watch it... :-)

Luckily we got tickets and yayyyy I was going to watch a 7.40pm show... Super Duper excited I quickly finished my work..

It was my Navratri fast and all of a sudden I wasn't hungry any more...

I left office... Called mom and told her I'll eat after the movie... And quickly rushed to the movie hall...

It started and every bit of it was just superb... I cherished my childhood days..

Movies are one of those very few things I can feel by all my heart.. And I truly loved it.

Somehow Disney movies manage to cheer me up every time and it's like a treat for my heart and soul. I feel so much more alive :-)

And just when I start feeling "feeling less" something like this happens to remind me I am still the same stupid girl... And I know I'll be Mowgli for few days now.... :D

I am waiting for "Fan" now... 

Monday is near and I should try sleeping... Sunday nights are the most terrible ones!

Good night pearl... Love you God.. Take care of my people... :)

Where there is a WILL!

My mom always say "where there is a will there is a way"...

My upbringing was very different than other kids... I was really naughty as a child and my parents never tried to tame me... I was left on my own to make decisions since I was a small kid... I was never forced to study while other kids were compelled by their families to score well.. My parents always told me the relevance of things and left it on me to decide whether I want it or not... I was always allowed to play outside, climb on trees, watch TV and do whatever I wanted to do...

And trust me the result was amazing... I always used to score well and most of the times used to top in my class plus I was independent from the very beginning... I was always involved in sports, extra curricular and later on in students' union..

I was independent, rebellious and responsible. I made rules for myself and had no limits. For I knew I can do everything I ever I wanted to.

I sincerely believe we should have one person apart from our family whom we can trust blindly... Someone who can advice us from a broader perspective of the world outside.

Once my super boss who is like a Godfather to me shared something from his work experience... He said "I joined this organisation as a customer care executive 12 years back... I worked day and night to build this.... In the course of my journey, I met many people who were better than me in terms of skill-set, communication, contacts, experience and many other things... But, I outgrown them for just one reason.. I had a will to grow which was stronger than anyone else and I never gave up.. So, if you are willing to grow nothing can stop you!" and today he is heading North India for the organisation.

Although there are many things I get inspired from.. This is something I always keep in my mind.. If your will to do something is strong enough and you work hard for it... You'll eventually get it.

Yes, there are outside factors.. and they might not support you but these all are just supporting elements... Faith is the biggest thing.

I'll share an example, in school I was always a language topper and my English & Hindi teachers always admired my command over language plus the ability to put my mind forward... It encouraged me to deliver my best... But, in class 9th's final exam my English paper was checked by some teacher who had certain grudges against me and had her own pets in class. I scored just passing marks after doing my best and I stood 2nd in class.. I lost my rank by 3 marks... And the difference in my marks in English with the topper was of 40..

I cried, felt shattered.. did everything I could.. Being rebellious makes you a fighter without any fear plus I always knew my family never stopped me from doing what was right..

Well, nothing happened. I stopped everything... I focused again on my studies... Worked hard and I topped my school in all languages in board exams. I was called on stage and given a medal for the same. In front of all the students and the teachers. And that was my answer.

So, people might misuse their power to pull you down at times but there is a power above all of us... That power knows us and if we are good at heart... Honest in our efforts.. No one can stop us from growing.. If not one place... May be some other...

I strongly believe.. Will makes things easier & faith makes them possible.. So, be kind... Work hard, decide it and do it...

There is a quote in Hindi too- "Nishchaye kar apni jeet karo"

I really wish to write more on this.. But, I am getting late for work... :D

So, go rise & shine.

Thank you God for everything... Take care of my people.. Love you :-))