Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Driving Lessons in Calgary!

Well, I wanted to write a post on Calgary first, but that’s okay. My love for Calgary will pour out some other day. :P

Today was my 4th driving class, and honestly, with every class here, I feel like I don’t know how to drive. Driving in Calgary is not about learning to drive; it's all about unlearning what you know and following the rules, and that is something very difficult to understand for someone who only drove in Delhi for 12 years. Road rules? What are they? :P

It's crazy here; when I walk on roads, cars stop and wait. Like had it been Delhi, I would have injured myself on the road multiple times. People are respectful on the roads here; they stop their vehicles and wait for you to cross the road. Seriously, and every time, it was all good until I realized I will have to do the same while driving! :P

Jokes apart, it's not funny. Yesterday, while driving, the only song playing in the back of my head was “Saaiyaan” from the movie “Ta ra rum pum” (if you watch the song video on YouTube, you’ll know what I am talking about). And the scene flashing in front of my eyes was the one where Saif was unable to win the race and felt he couldn't do it. It was really scary for me. :P 

Well, they took my Indian driving license anyway, and I don’t have an Alberta one. I don’t have much of an option here, and of course, I would love to drive on these awesome roads. I wish without rules though, but I got to know that after a few mistakes, they cancel your license, and then you have to wait for 2 years or so before applying again. :((

Another funny thing was I asked my instructor if the car he was teaching was his own or the driving school’s car, and he said, “it's my car,” and I laughed out loud. And asked, “You have 2 brakes in your family car?” Haha, and he said, “yeah, this is required to be an instructor here.” Well, a moment of silence here. He also shared that he never taught his wife how to drive here because if you hit a person on the road, you’ll have to flee the country; your life is over in this part of the world! :P It was sad for me to hear for two reasons - why will his wife only hit somebody on the road, and the other was.. he was not confident in his teaching; how will I clear my test! :P

Anyhow, I have another lesson left, and I am already feeling so unprepared. The driving test is like an acting test here; just look behind your shoulder every now and then and check the rearview mirror every 8 seconds, or else you’ll automatically fail! Crazy but true, if I watch the mirror every now and then, how will I focus! :P

Hmm… Let's see what's next. I am hopeful.

Dear God, as always, you are needed. Please be there with me during my test and distract the examiner! Love you. :))

Wednesday, September 27, 2023

First day at work!

So, today was my first day at work in this country. I was all excited. Nowadays, I am feeling everything with a higher intensity. Maybe that's the thing with a broken heart; every emotion is just overflowing, leaving me vulnerable in every situation. If it's a happy emotion, it's ecstatic. Today, I was able to feel music after a very long time, and not just feel it, but I found myself floating in it. I read it somewhere; heartbreak gives a kind of superpower... Not sure though... Maybe whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

I find it difficult to feel happy most days, but today was different. I was happy... I am happy, as if I am crawling back from the darkness. 

Anyway, today was good. I got up early and started prepping for my day. I had my coffee, got ready, and left for the train station. I boarded my train while listening to some really awesome music, and before I could wake up from the strong high I was feeling from the music, I was at my destination. I walked to the office, and a good day started.

It was my first day with my boss and colleagues, and I really liked it. In the afternoon, my boss took me for a welcome lunch, which was super cool. Oh yes, I enjoyed the food with the same crazy intensity. Something was totally different. I was a little scared today... I feel scared when I feel happy, scared of not feeling this way for long enough, scared of falling back into the darkness.

I came back home around 4 pm and wanted to linger on to this happy feeling for a little longer. I decided to go to the gym, which I again loved, followed by home-cooked kadhi chawal for dinner! :P

All in all, I am feeling really good right now. I am sure I won't be sleeping any sooner today, thanks to my excess caffeine intake, but yay, it was a good day. *touchwood*

I hate myself for being so much in love; I just want to be out of it. It's scary. I really wish to move ahead with my life.

I hate myself. Really.

Dear God, please, please, please help me!

Friday, December 11, 2020

Devil's year!


2020 was indeed a Devil's year. My year!

I know, I know it's not over as yet, but, it was a strangely comforting year for me, I know the case with most of the world is different.

I am so much in love with the whole situation of work from home, chilling and working at peace. I know the work hours are crazy but that's alright. I love keeping my devil mind busy with work or else it starts driving me mad.

The only thing I am badly missing this year is my workout, and have gained a lot of weight which I know will take time to go off, but I am somehow at peace. Other times I am on fire. :P

The whole year was kind of okay.... but, as I have a history with Decembers, my demons are hyper-active once again and I am finding it really hard to cope up with my own self. I think I would blame it on winters. I feel everything with a deeper intensity when the weather is cold. I am meant to be living in hot climates to avoid emotions. :P

Actually, it's not even proper winters as yet in Delhi, but this morning I could hear some loud clouds and they are giving me hopes for colder days ahead, that says messier mind!

I think I should read more on the correlation between mind and winters, at least for me it's something serious. Or maybe it's just full moon effect! 

Oh! and it's raining cats and dogs already, colder days ahead. 

Every time it's raining here in Delhi, I can't help thinking it must be snowing up on the mountains. I know I am crazy.

Rains are always a good start and it's just 7'o clock in the morning. Well, the beautiful start of my messy day. 

Dear God. please take care of my people. I love you. :)))