Jan 27, 2017

Friday, January 27, 2017

Happy-Sad Post!

If Bollywood can have a “Happy Sad Song”, I can also have “Happy Sad Post” :P

I know I can’t just stop being filmy.

I usually try to ensure writing all positive posts but in the end I am also human and when bad things happen... God save the world... no matter how much I hide it... I go visibly mad... Yea! There is one difference I can't be angry for too long.

So, when this year began my first target was to see snowfall and second was to do Chadar trek which happens during January and February every year.

All excited, I booked my tickets in December and paid good amount for the trek. Now, I knew this is going to be in Leh which is at a pretty good height I'll need stronger lungs and calf muscles... so, I started running.

But... it was just first week of Jan and I caught throat infection... Struggling with antibiotics I told myself 'All is going to be super awesome'... Antibiotics failed on me and I caught fever... Changed meds and finally... when I was recovering... I was under the strong influence of cough and cold... Phew... Again a new mission started to beat the same to go for my Chadar trek... It was a countdown for me... 10...9... 8... Days to go... And finally it was 3 days to go... I was not getting any better but I was sure to go.

In between all of this... I don’t know from where I started having breathing issues... And I used to feel breathless while sleeping, driving and walking... and I had to stop running for a whole month when it was the most important. On consulting my intelligent doctor I was assured by him that I am stressed and nothing else and because of stress only I was facing difficulty in breathing. I was assured I was fine.

21^st January, the D-day was here... The day I was eagerly waiting for.. I had morning flight at 6.30 am to catch... super excited... I got up at 3am... Got ready and left... again I was feeling breathless while going to the airport... I assured myself 'It's Stress'...

Aah.. Excitedly... I boarded my flight and in an hour after boarding we were in Leh... What a brilliant sight from the sky it was... Heaven on earth... I had a smile on my face all this while... :)

By 8.30am I was in my hotel... And the group assembled... We had breakfast and short briefing session for the trek which was next day...

It was -16 in Leh and I was living every bit of it... I had my first coffee outside our hotel in chilled weather... Pure bliss...

Till I was in Delhi I used to dream of this... Every day for a month prior to my trek.. I used to read about the weather predictions for coming days in Leh and I was pretty sure I’ll experience snowfall... Day dreaming of the snowfall I was sipping my coffee in -16 degrees...

Post that we relaxed till lunch... After lunch we decided to go out and check out local markets... Every sight of it was just amazing... I have no words to express the joy.

The girl I was sharing room with had to visit someone in Leh... So, she asked me to accompany her... We met her friend and had nice cup of tea... Ladakhi people are really nice and hospitable...

It was almost 5pm and we were walking back towards our hotel... All of a sudden I started feeling deep pain in my rib cage... It was there though for last few hours which I avoided in excitement to roam around in Leh. The pain was growing and was unbearable... I quietly came to my room and slept thinking “I'll be okay”.

I got up at 8.30pm and pain was still there... Not even a slight improvement... Anyhow I had light dinner... Took medicine suggested by trek leader and decided to sleep.

10pm..11..12..am and I was helpless and breathless... Unable to sleep I struggled for hours to breathe... For a moment I felt I am dying... Unable to breath at all... I had no option but to call my trek leader... It was 2am and I was feeling guilty for waking him up...

He came and said the same thing 'You are stressed' and I was wondering “God knows how come everyone is so sure about my stress levels”.

We went to hospital in emergency and doctor examined me... He said I developed some Pulmonary Edema named syndrome which is fatal and it's there since few days... So, the breathlessness I had in Delhi was not stress exactly but this pulmonary issue.

Super! I told him I have a trek to do today... for which he was quite rude in saying, “You can't do it”. As per the doctor, if this will develop into HAPE which I googled later I can die within few hours..

Lying on hospital bed I checked what HAPE actually is... High Altitude Pulmonary Edema... What an adventurous journey... I am sure I was the only one this excited for the trek and I was not allowed to go on it.... And was in hospital... They gave me oxygen and some injection... I impatiently waited for morning.

In morning, my trek leader called my family saying I can't do the trek and asked me to either stay in hospital or go back. I chose the latter.

I boarded my flight to Delhi on 22nd morning... Cried my heart out sitting in flight back. Super annoyed and irritated.

Landed back went to hospital and started with my treatment...

Of course, I had a huge fight with God.. I cried for days... It was a terrible feeling.

I was being told by people to avail my leave which were approved from office and relax at home... but, rebellious I am... If I am not on Chadar let it be office! I cancelled my leave and continued work.

For 4 days I was checking 'weather in leh/ladakh' on Google every 2nd hour... Every time I used to get up at 2am or 4am, I used to look for Leh weather... Knowing that it's snowing in Leh broke my heart multiple times...

And no matter whatever people may say I know it's just not okay. I fought with people.. I shouted like a wounded animal on them for no good reason... It's truly annoying... And I will never understand 'WHY' for this. I need no sympathy or kind words. I am cruel.

Anyhow, its 27th January and I am not feeling any better... And this will take time to heal.

Dear God, I really hate you for this. And I don't want to talk to you. Kindly be with my people and don’t talk to me! :(

Sharing few pictures I clicked on my phone-