Slow Life.

I want a slow Life in a small town!

So much changes with time, at one point of time, all I wanted was a successful career, money, luxury, comfort, of course, along with my people. Ten years back, my dreams were different from what they are today. My dream house used to be  a lavish one in a metro city with every comfort inside and even the comforts were different from what they are now. And, I have always believed I will earn it. 

And today, the only thing similar from my previous dream is my people, everything else changed. I no more want a huge amount of money or a super career or a luxurious lifestyle or a very big house in a crowded city. All I need is a peace of mind, a slow life in a small city, peaceful evenings with my loved ones and good food on the table. 

I am back to square one, where, I again want a small house on the green hills with a small river flowing around, with everything I need to survive, clean air, clean water, clean food and a fireplace to keep me warm in winters. Less noise, more smiles and no mobiles.

I crave for stress free weekends at home, sipping my coffee in peace, reading a book, cooking in my free time for my people. Sleeping till late, playing a sport, listening to old music, doing something creative with calmness around. Travelling often.

A place away from maddening crowd. 

I don't want a social life where I have 500 friends on Facebook, 300 followers on Instagram and hollowness inside. Wishing festivals to hundreds of people on WhatsApp and not feeling anything! 

I want to be with few people I truly care about.

Aah I was watching 'DDLJ' the other day, what a life it was without mobile phones, when everything was real. Emotions were real, people used to make effort to meet, talk and see each other. So complicated yet so sorted!

Irony is, by default I belong to that Era, I have seen that life and I can compare it. And I know I can't go back there, even when I know it was so much better.

Mobile phones with internet are a curse, I feel I am never free. I am always followed, entangled in chains everywhere. On every damn social media if you are online, you are visible to everybody and you are bound to reply. I hate being rude and ignorant and I don't want to be there. 

Sometimes, I really wish to run away from it. 

Dear God, I won't ask for anything from you! Just take care of my people. And I Love You.

'No Money' day-out!

After a long long time I am coming back on my blog with a realization happened JLT… :-)

Though I miss writing terribly… I rarely write it down now a days… I think I should restart writing my filmy life & its happenings  :P

Yesterday was just another day…. I got up… cooked food (which wasn’t very usual though)…. Got ready for office… And left for my meeting directly…while driving I saw a shop where they sell one of the finest cakes in town… It tempted me and I decided to buy one for myself…. I was driving and talking on fone… I turned my car towards the shop and parked… Moment I was about to get down of my car I realized I left my wallet home… LOL

It wasn't a ‘LOL’ moment though…. I was kinda shocked…. I was almost 50 kms away from home on an isolated planet… crossed Toll roads… Without any further option I started my car and looked around how much money I had in form of coins and change… I counted, it was 70 Rupees…

Calculation started in my mind… 20 for parking, 25 for toll and rest miscellaneous…. Have you ever realized we feel like eating something special on the day when we can’t actually buy it…. :P

Talking to myself, I reached for my meeting… The office was in a mall... I parked my car…. And finished my meeting…. Then I saw McDs… I never crave for their food on normal days…. But yesterday it was a craving… I recounted my money and realized I had 30 bucks extra… I decided to buy a burger… :P

Their burger never tasted so good ever in my life… I relished it.. And left for my other meeting which was in the other corner of Delhi…. Luckily my home was on the way… I picked up my wallet and continued my day…. But, in that short time I actually relived my school days… where money used to be so limited and we used to save 5 Rs as well…. Today, if I look at myself…. Or even people around me…. No one bothers about it…. We earn & throw…

Life changed so much…. Still some change saved my ‘HALF DAY’ :P

God, Love you… Give me strength and be with me.. Muaah.. :-)

Recover. Gain Strength. Rejuvenate. BOUNCE BACK!

I am trying to understand what is going on in my mind from past few weeks…. I am in a state of a strange dilemma… kinda suffering… trying super hard to come out of it!

I am being anti-social, destructive, restless, careless, unreasonable, emotionally unavailable, ignorant, cruel, rude and crazy!

It’s a part of me and I don’t mind being so…. But then… the changes in me are scaring me… It’s affecting my work out routine… my professional performance… personal life… and every damn thing!

Whenever, I find myself moving towards darkness and negativity I recall Spiderman III… Where I find negative powers all over me… Ruling my Heart & Mind!

As they say… Life is all about changes and phases…. This is also a phase.. The world is my playground… I am a player who is not in the best form at present but yes, I’ll certainly be fine….

Many good things did happen in last few days… I got my new car… And I am loving it… Though I still love my old one the most…. May be I am fond of the ‘first love thing’…. First job… first car… first home…. First…. Are always very close to my heart and soul…

I guess all I need is… a rejuvenating weekend outing... starting with a long long drive… without phone and net… all alone…. Isolation therapy is good at times…. I need to be alone…. Just me... my coffee… my camera… my running…. Myself!

I need to be with me… I feel I am running from myself… I don’t give a damn to people who don’t matter to me… but I am really concerned about certain people…. I think that’s what is bothering me like hell..

I wanna indulge in all good things where I can recharge myself back.... bring me back on track… I wanna listen to myself… Wanna spend time with my inner self… Together we’ll have good time… long walks, music, coffee, dark chocolates, photography… blogging, running.. And much more….

Dear God, please give me strength and guide me in the right direction…. I need you to be with me…. Your girl is missing you... Love you...

Craving!

There are certain times when it’s difficult to figure out what we are feeling….  Something similar is happening with me…. I dunno what I am feeling… Whether I am sad or happy… 

I can sense some kinda craving…. Might be coffee… but I doubt its coffee… After having 4 strong espressos I rarely feel any more starvation for coffee… It might be the effect of access of caffeine may be…. 

Weird it is to understand… Its giving me a kinda head ache…. Some sort of discomfort in thinking process, I might be a craving for a break… Let’s see… Or stress of work giving me this restlessness…. I really dunno… I feel like destructing everything within and outside...

All I can sense is this is the feeling which a bird must be having while being locked in a cage… running around here and there… trying hard to get the freedom… I m not feeling comfortable… It’s a true restlessness feel… When I dunno from what I am trying to run and to reach where or to achieve what…

What I know is I am craving to get free from this feel…. I am not enjoying it…. Feel like running away to a far off place away from everything and never wanna come back… My soul wanna shout very badly… Something is not good…. Something is not right…

God, I need you… Please help me! :-(