Papa

I lost my father last month, out of the blue, all of a sudden. I couldn’t do anything, couldn’t meet him one last time. I can’t forgive myself for not being there.

The world is celebrating Father’s Day today, and I don’t know how I feel. I am numb. I had the best dad in the whole world, and I lost him. They say it’s the circle of life and all that but why my dad? I wasn’t even a good daughter. I gave him so much pain and wasn’t even there in his last moments. I got the news when I was midway home, on the flight, and I just couldn’t do anything. I cried and screamed and sat there, stuck in the aircraft. Helpless.

My dad had a rough childhood, but he made sure we had the best life and he gave us better than the best. Our childhood was amazing because of our parents, and every occasion was a great celebration because he was there. I don’t know how to live with this loss.

I feel lost and numb. I try to stay outside the house because it kills me to be indoors and face myself. I’m not comfortable with silence, and it’s driving me crazy. This is a very different phase of my life, and I don’t know how to deal with it but I know he’s around me, and he’ll help me through it, like he always did.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I know heaven has its brightest star. I miss you, and I hope to meet you in another universe, another lifetime. May God bless your soul.