An Illusion of Love

Today is Valentine’s Day and on this day of love I would love to share a story we all can relate to…. With similar emotions of true love… At least most of us can relate…. A story about love…. A story about a break up…. Feelings… Emotions….

***When your heart breaks, the pain is almost physical. I felt as if someone had driven a sharp knife into my heart, stabbing my soul. I was speechless; I could not believe that this was actually happening.

"Sameera... are you there?"

"Hmm.. ya.." I stammered into my cellphone.

It was my love, Varun at the other end of the line. He had just told me that we were no longer a couple, that we never were one.

"But I love you so much, Varun"

"I too love you sweetheart" He said pausing, "But only as a friend"

A part of me wanted to hang up immediately. He sensed it and told me not to.

"See dear," He continued, "It was never really a relationship. It was just a joke"

"Just a joke?" I asked tearfully.

"Ya... But you took it seriously. You are such a kid!!" He started laughing.
"I will call you tomorrow" He said before hanging up.

"No need to" I replied, switching off my phone.

I started shivering uncontrollably, even though it was a warm evening. I leaned against a wall for support. I was shattered to say the least. It’s all over, I told myself. Everything is finished.
I wondered how he could do this to me. This was the same guy who had once supported me through a very difficult phase in life. The same guy who went out of his way to make things easier for me. The same one who used to tell me how much he loved me and what I meant to him. And now, he had dumped me like a piece of garbage. I shut my eyes tightly in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the tears from flowing. It still felt too horrible to be true.

All the moments we had once shared came back to me. The time when we had been classmates in school, and I had fallen in love with this cute, funny and helpful guy without myself knowing it. The emptiness I felt when he left the school and I lost contact with him. The excitement of searching for him years later, and finding him, thanks to the internet. I was not looking for a relationship or even a friendship when we met again. I was glad just to be in touch after all those years. But he had other thoughts. He initiated a friendship which was growing deep when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

" I love you so much, you can never know what you mean to me. Don't ever leave me, Sam."

I promised I never would. At that time, I believed that he was the love of my life and that our relationship would last forever.

I was wrong. The break up was inevitable and I should have seen it coming. Lately he had not been the same person I had once fallen in love with. He had changed a lot over time, but I had been forcing myself to believe that he was still the same. I suddenly realized something; It was not Varun I had been in love with, it was what I thought he was. I had been in love with an illusion, which was broken now.

I don't remember for how long I cried, the tears just would not stop. So many things came to mind all at once. Why did I ever let him manipulate my feelings? Why did I trust him so blindly? Why did I give him so much power that he could hurt me so badly? There had been a time when I used to give in to his emotional blackmail, patiently tolerated his mood swings and put up with his indifferent behavior. I had been too madly in love with him that I wanted to be there for him whenever he needed me. Even if it meant getting hurt myself. Not all was bad in our relationship, though the tears greatly outnumbered the smiles.

Gradually, I composed myself. This relationship based on compromise would not have lasted long anyhow. However, it still hurt badly. Even if the love had been an illusion, the heartbreak was real. You can never love someone who does not deserve it, but you can get addicted. And I was badly addicted to him. My mornings began with his thoughts, he occupied my mind throughout the day, and he was the one I prayed for before going to sleep. His voice echoed in my ears all day long, and it was him before my eyes even when he was not there. In pursuing him, I had lost myself. That’s why I was feeling so lifeless when he left me. I had no life of my own!

Now it was time I started regaining it. Since he was no longer in my life, I had ample time to pursue my hobbies. I got a bundle of books I had been planning to read for long, grabbed my camera and clicked loads of pictures. I spent more time in the company of my friends. Getting over a past relationship is like overcoming an addiction, you need to keep yourself so busy that you don't go back to your old ways. Immediately after a break up, the yearning for your Ex becomes stronger. It is similar to the craving a smoker or an alcoholic would have for his vice, knowing very well how harmful it could be. I wanted to move on, but Varun still wanted to be friends. He charmed me back to his company in spite of my best efforts to avoid him. This so-called friendship hurt even more than getting dumped. Unable to take anymore, I finally told him one last time, to get out of my life. He never tried to contact me after that.

What had once been innocent love ended in such a bitter way? I wish we could have parted more amicably. But it’s no use regretting over something that cannot be changed. Sometimes life teaches you lessons in such a painful way that you can never forget. With time the wounds heal and the hatred fades away. All that remains are the bitter-sweet memories of a distant past. And you are a wiser person when you fall in love again. ***

This story touched me…. Although it’s not written by me as usual am bad at writing stories :P…. Its written by my writer friend Natesha…. So I would like to thank her for writing such a beautiful story for me… :D

This thing happens with many people and something very hard to get over…. But that’s life…. Experience and Learning…. Learn and move on….
So, be wise and fall in love again this V-Day!
And if you are already lucky then wish you a great future ahead…..

Happy Valentine’s day… Have fun :D….