First day at work!

So, today was my first day at work in this country. I was all excited. Nowadays, I am feeling everything with a higher intensity. Maybe that's the thing with a broken heart; every emotion is just overflowing, leaving me vulnerable in every situation. If it's a happy emotion, it's ecstatic. Today, I was able to feel music after a very long time, and not just feel it, but I found myself floating in it. I read it somewhere; heartbreak gives a kind of superpower... Not sure though... Maybe whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

I find it difficult to feel happy most days, but today was different. I was happy... I am happy, as if I am crawling back from the darkness. 

Anyway, today was good. I got up early and started prepping for my day. I had my coffee, got ready, and left for the train station. I boarded my train while listening to some really awesome music, and before I could wake up from the strong high I was feeling from the music, I was at my destination. I walked to the office, and a good day started.

It was my first day with my boss and colleagues, and I really liked it. In the afternoon, my boss took me for a welcome lunch, which was super cool. Oh yes, I enjoyed the food with the same crazy intensity. Something was totally different. I was a little scared today... I feel scared when I feel happy, scared of not feeling this way for long enough, scared of falling back into the darkness.

I came back home around 4 pm and wanted to linger on to this happy feeling for a little longer. I decided to go to the gym, which I again loved, followed by home-cooked kadhi chawal for dinner! :P

All in all, I am feeling really good right now. I am sure I won't be sleeping any sooner today, thanks to my excess caffeine intake, but yay, it was a good day. *touchwood*

I hate myself for being so much in love; I just want to be out of it. It's scary. I really wish to move ahead with my life.

I hate myself. Really.

Dear God, please, please, please help me!