Wednesday, August 31, 2016

I am scared!

It's killing me and I need to write this.

I am an introvert. And I am very comfortable with the fact.

I rarely express, even if I really want to I can’t, I can’t open up easily... Sometimes, I find it really hard to say a “Hi” forget about initiating a conversation with people on my own... And honestly.. I have tried changing it but I failed miserably.

I have my people with whom I can talk for hours but not with everyone.

Even though I am courageous, strong and blah blah I have fears and they are as deep as my strengths.

I don’t really know if it’s a blessing or a curse to be emotionally vulnerable and feel everything with a very high intensity... Whether I am happy or excited or grateful or sad.... I feel everything intensely... And, I love these feelings till the time they are positive but when negativity rules... God save the world!

My biggest fear is – “People I have feelings for destructing themselves“

I have very few close friends and I deeply feel for them, they are like my family and I can’t see them in pain... We have been together through very bad times and I am really proud of it. They believed in me when I gave up on myself!

But, being vulnerable is a curse and is badly bothering me because I develop feelings for people who are not even my friends but are good at heart and I can’t see them in destructive phase... I am stupid I know... I shouldn’t be thinking about it at all, but, yes, I am really stupid and I can’t stop thinking...

I am scared of liars and manipulative people and from my experience I have learned I can’t deal with them, so, now, I don’t think over it. Whenever I realize someone is just talking negative about other people or lying or being manipulative I simply cut myself and stop talking to and about that person. May be that’s my defense mechanism.

I am highly anxious right now and something is killing me deeply... each day... every moment and I can’t talk about it... 

God, please please make it a bad dream... I really need to wake up from this.. Please help me.. I promise I will be a good girl :(

Please God, show me the way out... And please take care of my people... Love you.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Heart vs Brain- On midnight Snacking!

Now a days it's happening more frequently.. On almost everything there is a conflict going on between my stupid heart and stubborn brain... today.. it's on midnight snacking...


Heart- I am hungry!

Brain- Go, eat paneer.

Heart- I wanna have something unhealthy and delicious.. you know something like butter popcorn or creamy cheesy pasta or crunchy buttery cornflakes :D

Brain- shut up! It's 11pm.. it's not the right time.. have warm water.. and go to sleep.. .

Heart- dude, I could have asked for pina colada or beer or LIT... I am just asking for snacks.. that too light ones.

Brain- huh!

Heart- and I always consider your opinions.

Brain- As if you listen to me!

Heart- Whatever!

Brain- Go. Eat. Brush. Sleep. And don't irritate me. You have to get up early.

Heart- you are a sweetheart ;-)

And this is how I ended up stuffing myself with snacks... :P

Brain is so right sometimes. :P

Good night God... Muaah.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Chandratal- A dream come true!

"XYZ- Hey, what happened to you? You are all red & black!
Me(with a big grin)- I am tanned, sun bitten... because sun-kissed is an understatement ;-)"

...And one morning when I got up... Everything was different!

Yes, since the day I am back from Chandratal everything is different ... All of a sudden I can feel every emotion with the same intensity again... I can connect with myself and I am head over heels in love with everything... It's all magical... :D

Yes, I was in mountains again, this time I lived my dream of visiting Chandratal lake, Spiti Valley, Himachal Pradesh.

2016 is coming up with surprises... this was the 3rd place in a row I visited after planning for so long... first two were Triund & Goa... although my idea of Goa is still unfulfilled... so, I will visit again very soon (fingers crossed) :-))

Coming back to my recent trek- Hampta pass & Chandratal..

In two words it was “exceptionally beautiful”... it was a 5 day trek where we walked for about 40 kms in 4 days... We were in a group of 32 amazing people from all across the country... And it was an awesome experience as whole.

Coming up with my experience daywise-

Day 1- Jobra to chika (4 kms)

I reached Manali by Volvo around 10am where the entire group from all across India gathered and we together started our journey. All excited :)

We reached Jobra, starting point of our trek, had our lunch and started walking.

After walking for almost 3-4KMS we reached our campsite for day 1... It was truly beautiful and serene... Afterwards it was a relaxing day... we had food, interacted, enjoyed bon-fire and slept...

Our phones were not working there so everybody was socialising real-time and that was the best part :)

Day 2- Chika to balu ka gera (10kms approx)

Second day was a bit tiring but manageable, we started our trek around 7.30 am and were walking till 4pm... In between we crossed 2 rivers with ice cold water and had our lunch in a serene place...

Balu ka gera was our campsite for that day and was my personal favourite in the entire trek..

It was a different world for me.

As a kid, I used to dream of having a small house in woods near a flowing river and green mountains around.... Balu ka gera was the place straight out of my dreams, in fact, it was more beautiful than I could ever think of.

In evening, we practiced snow walk and snow sliding and prepared ourselves for the next day which was the most difficult one... we were all super excited... :D

Day 3- balu ka gera to Shea goru via hampta pass (15KMS approx)

It was the day when we had to cross the pass and had to walk for almost 8-9 hours...

We walked on rocky mountains, snow covered mountains, green areas and crossed the most mesmerizing views and refreshing water springs on the way...

We all crossed hampta pass by 2pm... the landscapes of Spiti valley were brilliant and we camped there.

Day 4- Shea goru to Chatru(9-10  kms) to Chandratal lake

It was comparatively an easy day... We quickly finished trekking and reached a dhaba where beer was served... It was like a heaven for beer lovers... Beautiful Spiti mountains and chilled beer, pure bliss...

We took cabs from there and proceeded for the dream destination "Chandratal"...

For me, it was the most beautiful drive ever... After almost 5-6 hours we reached chandratal... We got down of the cab and I literally started running towards the lake... Like a small kid running towards her favourite dessert :P

The first sight of the lake was deadly and hard to believe... And in a fraction of second my dream turned into my love at first sight... It was more beautiful than any picture could ever capture... I still remember the feel of the first sight of it... I rushed towards it and dipped my feet into the ice cold water... The only one sitting in the water for almost 20 minutes... :P

We camped 2 kms away from chandratal and it was our last night there... In just 4 days the strangers were not strangers anymore and it was like a big big family... :-)

We had our dinner.. Played random group games and slept....

Day 5- Back to Manali and departure
We all came back to Manali and left for our respective destinations... :(

It was not a good feeling at all.... The moment my bus started for Delhi, I started missing my trip.. 

Every time I finish a trek, it changes something in me and takes up a special place in my heart... I loved it so much... It was an experience I can never forget... The place, the people, the feel and the most beautiful Chandratal...

Thank You God, once again for everything... I love you so so so so much... Muuuaaah :)))

Please take care of my people, always... :-)

Some pictures from my cam-











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