Saturday, August 4, 2018

In pursuit of Happiness!


The year is in it’s second half and going through my own blog I realized I was absolutely lost all this while.

A wise man told me sometime back- “If it happens as per your wish its good, but if it happens otherwise it’s for the best!”

Many things happened this year, unexpectedly good and unexpectedly not- so-good but I think those not-so-good happenings pushed me towards happy and good ones which otherwise were out of question.

I genuinely believe 'you are exactly where you are supposed to be and what meant to be always find it's way'.

And I am the one who is too restless to accept the same most of the times even though it's imprinted on my subconscious mind. Ah, my yoga lingo. :P

Happenings so far this year were somewhat like this, I'll start with the first one and moving on to another in the sequence they happened-

January-

1. New Year Celebration- I can't recall how I celebrated my new year but I am sure it was peaceful, nothing crazy. I was with my family, I got up happy, not sleepy nor sad. I was content on Jan 1st and visited temple in the evening. Blissful calm day.

2. Karan Bellani- The guy I met here on BlogSpot 9 years back and my oldest blogger buddy. He was the only guy who promised to be my friend till the end and he kept it. His unexpected death was a shock to me and it taught me a lot. I was unable to believe he is no more when I read it on FB and called him to check multiple times, one day his mom called me back looking at my missed calls in his call log to say “beta, Karan is no more”. He died of ALS, Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. I don't want to recall anything, I love escaping it.

We met thrice in 9 years, so I convinced myself he is still there in Bombay living his life peacefully. But, Facebook! FB memories keep reminding me of him, the time I visited Bombay and he took days off from his schedule to show me around or when he visited Delhi and I took him to my favourite places. :(

I still remember our walk on the roads of Bombay at night though we had a bike but we preferred exploring roads on foot, we walked for almost 6 hours aimlessly trying roadside foods and exploring markets, we talked and talked and talked, but, I still wonder he never told me about his ALS!

Rest in Peace, Karan. Bombay will never be the same for me without you.

3. Nag Tibba-



My 1st trip of 2018, I wanted it to be calm, snowy, starry and mountainy. So, I decided to go solo on a short trek near Dehradun known as Nag Tibba. It was whole different story and a very different experience for me. For the first time I was travelling with all Delhiites (except one Bangalore guy). :P

It was a very short 2-day trek and after day 1 of trekking the group denied to get up at 5am next morning for the final summit. During our dinner time, in a group they announced “that's it, we are not going to get up early for trek tomorrow, it’s enough”. For the first time I saw trek leader massaging feet and rubbing balm on female trekkers' knees. :P

Night was loud as they played loud music opened liquor bottles and started smoking. It was difficult for me to sleep, but, I managed. I was sure if no one else, at least the Bangalore guy is going for the Summit.

I got up in the morning and to my surprise many more motivated themselves to drag till the Summit.:P

I can never forget this experience. One good thing was I found a new friend from Bangalore with thousand things to talk about, all nerdy and geeky. :P

And I promised myself not to go anywhere near Delhi for trekking in future. 

February-

4. Calcutta trip- 



Another trip to East, good part about my office was these frequent trips but then they used to be so packed and hectic, I started realising I no more love travelling. I wanted peace and recreational time. I mean, going to Calcutta and not getting even 10 mins for myself was crazy. Travel is always beautiful though but I need to soak into the beauty of the place which was missing. I reached Calcutta at 4pm for the event which was 7pm, all I could do was taking shower, getting ready for the evening, reaching to the venue, coming back to the luxurious hotel and sleep. Flying back to Delhi next morning! Rushing like crazy!

One good thing was, I was able finish a book during my in-flight time and skipped my dinner at the event venue to enjoy Bengali sweets at night in my hotel!

5. Grandpa- My grandpa was not keeping well for quite sometime and this time it was worsening, every time I used to visit hospital I used to cry after coming back. I still remember that one evening when I went to the ICU with multiple beds and he was on the front bed and I looked at him and couldn’t believe it's him, I looked around to find him but it was him, so weak and pale and unable to move. I went closer and asked him if he could recognise me and he was unable to utter my name.

That was the moment I lost faith on the hospital, I remember he loved being at home no matter how unwell. I came out of ICU and spoke to the doctor and he said grandpa will not survive for many days and he needs to be on dialysis followed by a ventilator, I asked him what are the chances of improvement, on which doctor said survival chances are zero!
I was furious and decided to take him back home.

We arranged a surgical bed, male nurse and a private surgeon and had a big fight with hospital management during his discharge. Anyhow, my grandpa was happy and I could see him improving at home. He used to smile and talk to me though he was unable to eat through his mouth. He used to love home, everything here was picked by him even the designer sofa set and the curtains, I remember taking him to Kirti Nagar to select his favourite designs.

He was doing well but the surgeon said "he can go any moment". I denied to believe. He was improving and I was hopeful until one day he denied to talk to me. He slept for 1 complete day. And next day He left us. :(

I was unable to believe it and why should I, he is still with me, around me. Reading it all, while I am writing it. 

March-

6. Singapore trip-



My second office trip of the year, and although it was my first ever international trip I was not at all excited, I mean, travel used to be one thing I used to love the most and now it was also failing. After losing interest in my workout routine due to my work schedule, now, I was losing interest in travelling.

This trip was for senior management and I and my one more colleague were going as an exception, and even that exception failed to excite me. :P

I called my boss to say I am not willing to go and if they can cancel my booking, on which she said “you should go and bookings can't be cancelled”. As they say, what’s meant to be find its way.

I landed in Singapore, it was all luxury trip for an Annual Strategy Meet, stay in 5 star hotel, brilliant buffets, dinners at the very best locations like Marina Bay Sands and The Altitude (the highest point in Singapore).

The time I enjoyed the most in Singapore was the day I landed in Singapore and decided to explore it myself by skipping my pre-booked dinner at again some 5 star fine dining property, the best part was my fone was not working.

After everyone left for the dinner, I left my hotel in the evening to roam around on the streets of Singapore. I decided to eat the local food and check out the local flea markets. So much I loved that evening, I bought local chocolates, ate local food and had the best time sitting on the street side looking at the new city, feeling the different air on my face and hair. But of course, I had to pay the price for this freedom, when my boss told me you are not a child, you are here on a work trip and are supposed to be on time and be with the group all the time. She was not very happy about my little adventure. :P

Our routine used to be staying in the conference from 8am till 6pm, listening to the sales agendas and progress of last financial year, getting dressed up by 7pm and going to some luxurious pre-booked venue for dinner with the management.

One evening when I was sitting on the rooftop of “The Altitude”, listening to the live music and cherishing the view of the city lights from the top, I looked up at the sky and the stars. Talking to the stars, they asked me “Are you happy being here, this is so amazing?”

I looked around once again, my boss, her boss and other bosses drinking and laughing and enjoying, it was a beautifully luxurious jail, with fine wine and cheese and the best of dresses people could wear and all those things most of the people dream of and would do anything for. And nothing was wrong with it. But...

But, I could not relate to it, it was not my world. It was not for me. As strange as it may sound, I decided to go back to my hotel. The plan was to stay there by 2-3am but I left around 12.

I loved the overall feel of the city and I loved the luxury, who doesn’t, so I cherished my time in Singapore with the only wish of getting time for myself, it was just unfair to the place. What good is a big bath tub if I can’t take a long rejuvenating bubble bath.

On our last day, I went for a small walk around and bought few more things before leaving the city. Also, I promised the city to be back soon with all my time. :-)

7. Realisation- 



After coming back from Singapore, I was subconsciously realising this was not what I wanted for myself. I cannot lose these simple joys in life for money. Along with it, there were many more things happening which were killing me within and I was unable to bear it. I needed a break.

April-

8. Contemplation- 

Contemplation happens. And it happens on it’s own, when it’s supposed to be. I realised many things, I was happy but I was in pain. A strange pain I cannot define here. The same pain I was in, 9 years back. And once again history repeated itself. This time I had no friend so close to share with. I needed time for myself..

9. Resignation- 



I needed a break and I took it. I left my job and decided to hibernate. And for the first time I was not worried what will happen in my future. This was what I needed exactly at that point of time. A break from my own self. And future, I was not even thinking about it.

10. Nepal and Everest Base Camp- 



April 17th was my last working day and on April 20th, I was in Nepal.

The trip was more about Nepal for me and less about Everest Base Camp, and yes, Rupin Pass still tops the list of my favourite treks.

I went for EBC with my brother, and we started our trek on 22nd April.. EBC was amazing in terms of views and the experience but it was overly commercialised and very crowded. It was nothing like a trek. It was more about crossing a valley to reach to another guest house sort of crowded place. I will any day prefer Himachal over Nepal for a trek in particular.

Also, I had another “Acute Mountain Sickness” and this time it was much severe than the last time, I felt I am surely going to die this time. :P

More than EBC it was Nepal that we enjoyed, amazing nightlife of Thamel, beautiful temples, streets of Pokhara and a round of Golf at Himalayan Golf course.

Nepal was overall a brilliant experience; we experienced Lukla flight and Chopper ride which was once in a lifetime experience.

I might visit Nepal again for EBC via Gokyo lakes route, but, that’s a farfetched idea. I need to work on my fitness first. :P

Well, I guess it’s enough for now. I am not willing to talk about my next 3 month long hibernation in mountains.

Dear God, you know what I’ll say. Thank you for everything. I love you. Take care of my people. Muaah. :*

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hope you find the happiness you are persuing for!!!

Ashu Chawla said...

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pinak said...

I am so glad I got to read this. Specially at a time when I am struggling and buried under work and chores and monotony.

Deepika Gupta said...

And I am so glad you liked it. 🙂

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