Papa

I lost my father last month, out of the blue, all of a sudden. I couldn’t do anything, couldn’t meet him one last time. I can’t forgive myself for not being there.

The world is celebrating Father’s Day today, and I don’t know how I feel. I am numb. I had the best dad in the whole world, and I lost him. They say it’s the circle of life and all that but why my dad? I wasn’t even a good daughter. I gave him so much pain and wasn’t even there in his last moments. I got the news when I was midway home, on the flight, and I just couldn’t do anything. I cried and screamed and sat there, stuck in the aircraft. Helpless.

My dad had a rough childhood, but he made sure we had the best life and he gave us better than the best. Our childhood was amazing because of our parents, and every occasion was a great celebration because he was there. I don’t know how to live with this loss.

I feel lost and numb. I try to stay outside the house because it kills me to be indoors and face myself. I’m not comfortable with silence, and it’s driving me crazy. This is a very different phase of my life, and I don’t know how to deal with it but I know he’s around me, and he’ll help me through it, like he always did.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I know heaven has its brightest star. I miss you, and I hope to meet you in another universe, another lifetime. May God bless your soul.

Mixed Feelings!

I realized it's been more than a year since I wrote anything, and lately, I’ve noticed how anxious I feel in the month of February. I’ve started noticing these patterns that I go through year after year, even though I try to break them. Certain things in my life just seem to be on auto-mode.

Every time I experience this mix feeling of anxiety and excitement, I choose excitement. But this time, I’m not sure, and the anxiety is taking over me.

Last year, when I visited India, I felt anxious and scared. I knew I would miss the city and my friends, but this time it’s different. I know I’ll miss the city and my friends, but there’s something unknown I feel like I’ll miss. It’s a strange feeling... like I’m leaving behind something I feel deeply connected to. I know I’m in love with this place, but I’m just feeling a little more stressed about it.

I’m really excited to see my family, and I know they need me there right now. I’m looking forward to it... but I don’t know how to explain this strange feeling.

Even when I first thought about moving to Canada, I never imagined I’d end up in Calgary. It was serendipity for me. The city has given me so much more than I ever expected. It has mended my broken heart, putting it back together as if nothing ever happened. Is that even realistically possible? Yes, it is... almost like magic.

I never thought I’d feel the way I do today. God works in mysterious ways, and I’m just so thankful and full of gratitude.

I’m already looking forward to coming back here and doing the things I want to. My Calgary 3.0... Is that weird? I don’t know. I’m just in love. This feeling is amazing, and I’m completely sinking into it.

I love you, Calgary. Thank you, God, for this gift. I love you. Muaah.

Living in a Deep-Freezer!

Years ago, I wrote a blog post on Delhi winters, and this time it's all about Calgary winters.

I landed in Calgary in summer, and oh my God, it was beautiful. The days were long; sunrises happened at 5 am, and sunsets at 10 pm. Nice and warm afternoons, and cool breezy mornings and evenings. It was lovely.

I was in a different phase of life when I landed here, and took those summer days for granted. I spent the majority of my time doing lame things or nothing. I won't blame myself for that; it was a different time. Thinking of last summer reminds me of a fictional novel plot where the author describes a sad protagonist, beautiful surroundings, and she is lost in her thoughts, which are not worth anything but consuming her completely. That reminds me of the beginning of ‘Palomino’ by Danielle Steel, one of my very first romantic novels, and I loved it. And here I am drifting away from the topic yet again. :P

Coming back to Calgary winter. When I landed here, people were trying to warn me, scare me, and honestly, to some extent, I was scared. When this December was warm, I was hoping for a worse January, and people were saying, “Oh, December is good, January will be killer.” I lived here in -50 degrees Celsius in January and went for a walk in -45 degrees. I am more than alive, and it was not that bad. I still feel Delhi winters are more difficult than this. :P

I survived the coldest day in 55 years in Calgary, and I didn't even feel it was harsh. I wonder why these people, especially Indians who are living here for many, many years, were so scared. Delhi used to feel much colder than this, maybe because it was a moist winter with pollution and less sun. Calgary winters are dry with sun and are much better and less cold!

To be honest, -45 degrees was not bad. Different, extreme, crazy cold, colder than a deep freezer but still good.

Most days, I enjoyed good home-cooked food, coffees, teas, hot chocolates, while working from my warm and cozy home and looking outside from the glass walls, appreciating the beauty of falling snowflakes. I also stepped out on my balcony to capture the perfect snowflakes; they were the same star-shaped ones they used to show in Disney movies. It was like stars falling from the sky, so beautiful.

The temperature today is 4 degrees, and honestly, it's a hot day. All my windows are open, and I still feel it's hot. Snow is melting all around, but people said we’ll get some colder days in February as well. As long as I don't have to go out much, I am more than happy. Bring it on! :P

In the month of February, Calgary hosts a Hot Chocolate Festival every year where one can try hot chocolates in different cafes, places in the city, and give a rating online. The top-rated café wins the contest. For my Hot Chocolate love, I am looking forward to it!  <3

Sometimes it feels like I am living a Disney princess life; other days, a Tim Burton story. Anyhow, I miss my family a lot.

Dear God, I love you, and please take care of my people. And, as you know, I always need you by my side. :)

A Year to Remember - 2023!

Over the past few years, I never felt like writing down my year. In fact, I did jot down my thoughts as drafts but never felt right posting them on my blog. The main reason was that they were often filled with deep and dark emotions. Most were written with tearful eyes. Regardless, those drafts will always be dear to me. Someday, if I feel like going anonymous on the internet with a new blog, I might publish them. :)

Coming back to 2023, my year was full of emotions. The first few months were crazy sad, and I truly lived in a dark era. I think those were more of a continuation of the past few years. Anyway, in March 2023, I decided to go to New Zealand for my second Masters. I secured a seat in a sought-after course at the University of Auckland, and I was on cloud 9. I was weaving dreams of going to Auckland, living a free and beautiful life in a gorgeous country with mountains and sea. I started interacting with my course coordinator, had my university email id and student login created. Just before submitting my fees, I had to cancel the plan. Once again, it was to save something I could never have saved anyway, and when I look back, I feel fortunate certain things ended for good.

After saying goodbye to my NZ dream, I forgot about going out of the country and started focusing on my health, which had been going downhill for the past 2 years. I went back to the gym, restarted my yoga practice after a good break, and I was happy. I was just self-involved; I had my breakdowns but overall, I was positive. I did things I wanted to, bought myself a beautiful watch, and soon I got to know that my brother was moving to the US. He secured admission in the course he was looking for, and all of a sudden, everything changed. He actually secured admission in 2 universities, one in Asia and the other one in the States, but he chose to go to the US. I was busy helping him plan and pack for his journey while being clueless about mine.

Soon enough, I got the news that I could go to Canada. My application was through, and the option came out of nowhere. I completely ruled out this possibility, a long story but it was a miracle, and I had an option I always wanted but never thought I would get.

My brother was leaving on June 15th, and till that day, I had no clue on what I was going to do. I focused on his journey, and after dropping him off at the airport, I was sitting and thinking what I should do. I started looking for tickets to Canada with no fixed plan in mind. While looking for tickets, I recalled a lady I met in Bali; she was from Toronto, and we are still friends. She was on her solo birthday trip to Bali and gifted herself a luxury experience for her 50th birthday. She flew business class and stayed in a 5-star property (that's where I was staying while volunteering). She explained that journey as the best journey in her 50 years of life, and that business class, the way she explained, I could never forget.

While looking for my Canada ticket, I thought I should gift myself this business class experience now; why wait to live until I am 50! And I booked myself a comfortable business class on a good international flight. I was definitely scared. Canada was far, very far from India. Not that I was scared of traveling alone, but I think in the last few years, I completely forgot who I was, what I was like, and what I was capable of.

I gave myself 10 days to pack and prepare. And in no time, I was in Canada.

Those were my first 6 months in India; I landed here at the end of June, and from that day, things changed. Ghosts from the past followed me till here, and I had dark, sleepless nights, panic attacks, and a really hard time for the initial few months. I used to sit here and wait for my family to get up and talk to them. I never felt this low in my life ever, and I was on my own, all alone for the first time.

I am thankful for how everything unfolded for me here. Soon enough, when I started being myself again, everything just changed. I ended up receiving more than I could think of; I ended up finding a decent apartment in the location I wanted, secured a fine job (I came here with my India job, and worked nights sticking to the India time zone, it was crazy).

I wanted to list down things I tried for the first time in my life in 2023; many things changed for me here, and I have penned down some of them below:

1. Business Class Travel - I think that was the highlight of my year and after traveling business class, I find it hard to look back to economy. My journey was so good; I didn't care about the destination. My luggage was lost, but I was still happy. I was miles away from home in Calgary without luggage, with jet lag, and still smiling. I waited for my luggage for 2 days and started buying the essentials which I claimed back from the airlines. Luckily, I got my luggage back in 8 days.

2. Calgary Stampede - Stampede is like Diwali here. The biggest festival they celebrate. It's a 10-day long event and crazily massive. When I landed here everyone said you came at the wrong time, it's gonna be super crowded and messy in the city and they were not wrong. I ended up loving the entire Stampede vibe and volunteered in the event. Loved every bit of it! Even though my schedule was hectic, I had an Indian job from 9 pm to 7 am and did volunteer work during the daytime. Pheww! Insane!

3. Improv - I always wanted to learn acting, while searching for a school I came across an improv lab and their upcoming course on “Intro to Improv ''. I am an introvert, and doing things like these really scare me, and that was a good enough reason to give it a shot. It was painful for me initially but became easier with every class. Plus point was I managed to secure myself a good scholarship. Thanks to my sales skills.

4. New Cuisines - I ended up trying a lot of new cuisines here. For the first time I tried Thai, Vietnamese, Venezuelan, Mediterranean, Peruvian cuisines here! I really liked Thai & Vietnamese. I am already in love with Mexican & Italian. My list definitely expanded here.

5. New Drinks - Eggnog, I tried for the first time here. I don't know if they used to introduce new coffee seasonal flavors in India, but here I have developed this habit of buying a coffee and walking with it. Because of which I ended up trying many small/big coffee shops here and explored all their seasonal flavors starting with Pumpkin spice latte to Sugar cookie oat latte, which by the way is my favorite now! <3

6. First Snowfall - I have been on many snow treks in India, but here for the first time I saw snow pouring down and I loved it. It was much more beautiful than I expected. I never thought I would experience this alone for the first time, but I did and it was mesmerizing.

7. Banff - Another place I never thought I would experience alone but I did and loved it. I didn't go alone as such but it was not how I visualized it for myself. Anyhow, the experience was beautiful beyond words.

8. Winter hike - In India, I always used to wonder why we climb for 6-7 days, sleep in tents to reach a place so gorgeous, I used to wish for shorter hikes with beautiful views and to come back and sleep in my cozy bed. That wish is fulfilled. Here, you need to walk hardly 10-15 kms (to & fro) to reach a strikingly beautiful place and come back, and another 2-4 hours for reaching the site and coming back to the city. Couldn't have asked for more. Experienced 3 hikes here in the last year! :)

9. Music - This is my favorite; after coming here I wanted to explore better music and clicked on “Iconic 80s hits” playlist on Prime music and there was no looking back. I am in love! This music is just mind-blowing, and I wish I was alive in that era, I wish this was my college days' music! It's just so beautiful, all these songs.. my God! I already am an old soul and I found my old soul music. Of course I am a big fan of Md Rafi & Kishore Kumar, but this playlist is something else. Next will be 70s music once I will get enough of 80s!

Well, this was my year in nutshell. I also tried Kooza for the first time here; it's like a musical circus show which costed me a bomb! :P

I am really grateful for everything; though these days I do feel a lot homesick. I hope I will get better!

Dear God, I love you and am thankful for everything you have done for me; please take good care of my people. Love you! Muah :))

Love Me Like You Do!

Yeah, Calgary loves me equally. Our love is mutual.

When I landed here at the end of June, people used to say, 'Wait for the winters, and you’ll hate Calgary.' Now, in December, people are saying, for the first time in the history of Alberta, December is this warm. Of course, Calgary loves me. Global warming is a myth. :P

Most people from India move to Toronto in a quest for a better life, better opportunities, then live in suburbs and drive every day for hours for work. I don’t think I am meant for that kind of life. I lived it in India, and I was sure that's not how I want to spend my entire life.

I always wanted a small town, peaceful life. Had it been in India, I was sure to relocate to Rishikesh or Himachal after a few years, start my own small business in the mountains, and live a peaceful life away from the big city. A house with a backyard and a kitchen garden, close to the river and mountains. A morning walk in the hills with my coffee and ending my day with a beautiful sunset and a clear sky. It's still my plan, though.

Every time I thought of Canada, it was always Calgary. Much before I got my PR card. I never dreamt of a big city life with the chaos and stress.

Calgary is a perfectly beautiful small city, best of both worlds. People are warm and nice; you can reach anywhere within 20 mins if you have a car. There is a beautiful river in the city, and I can see mountains from my balcony. <3

The only thing I miss here is my family, and the only reason to go back for me will be my people.

Here, no one cares about where you are from, how much you earn, how fluent your English is, what you do for a living, how expensive your car is, or how big your house is or how many gadgets you own. All people care about is how you are doing, what are your hobbies, what music you like, or what you like to do in your free time. And I just love it; living here is like living a dream.

In college, I visited a small village in Himachal for my field trip known as “Junga”; it was a village where every marriage was a love marriage, and I call it the land of love. I thought I would someday go back there and live for a longer period of time. I think I can say the same about Calgary. I feel I live in a city of love, all I see around me is couples, families, and happily married people. I just love it; it makes me smile every time I see an old and happy couple. Something I always thought of as my life goal.

The other day I was sitting in a small Italian restaurant, and I saw an old couple in their 70s; they were celebrating the lady’s birthday with a small candle on the Tiramisu. I was feeling so happy for them that I had to control my tears. Oh God! I so badly wanted to cry! <3

I just love this city; it's like straight from a romantic novel. Novels I used to read and visualize where everything used to be like a beautiful dream. A place where I love sitting in small cozy family-owned coffee shops and sipping my coffee.

The other day I was having dinner with a friend; she was telling me about her dating adventures and then asked me why I'm not into dating apps or giving it a try, and I just didn't know what to say. I think it's difficult for people to understand how having an old soul feels. I just smiled and said it’s not for me, and she said, 'Are you one of those who thinks a charming prince will come and sweep you off your feet?' Well, the truth is, I used to be one of those but not anymore. I think I don’t care anymore. I am just happy being here, eating good food, living my life, reading books, and looking forward to what's next. I think in the last 3 years, for the first time, I feel like I am finding myself back, and I don’t want to lose it for anything. I think after many years I feel at peace.

Well, I think I can write a book on Calgary; it's just something else, and I am full of gratitude to be here.

Dear God, I know you are the best, and I am your favorite girl. Thank you for everything. I love you; please take good care of my people. Muuaah :))"

Driving Lessons in Calgary!

Well, I wanted to write a post on Calgary first, but that’s okay. My love for Calgary will pour out some other day. :P

Today was my 4th driving class, and honestly, with every class here, I feel like I don’t know how to drive. Driving in Calgary is not about learning to drive; it's all about unlearning what you know and following the rules, and that is something very difficult to understand for someone who only drove in Delhi for 12 years. Road rules? What are they? :P

It's crazy here; when I walk on roads, cars stop and wait. Like had it been Delhi, I would have injured myself on the road multiple times. People are respectful on the roads here; they stop their vehicles and wait for you to cross the road. Seriously, and every time, it was all good until I realized I will have to do the same while driving! :P

Jokes apart, it's not funny. Yesterday, while driving, the only song playing in the back of my head was “Saaiyaan” from the movie “Ta ra rum pum” (if you watch the song video on YouTube, you’ll know what I am talking about). And the scene flashing in front of my eyes was the one where Saif was unable to win the race and felt he couldn't do it. It was really scary for me. :P 

Well, they took my Indian driving license anyway, and I don’t have an Alberta one. I don’t have much of an option here, and of course, I would love to drive on these awesome roads. I wish without rules though, but I got to know that after a few mistakes, they cancel your license, and then you have to wait for 2 years or so before applying again. :((

Another funny thing was I asked my instructor if the car he was teaching was his own or the driving school’s car, and he said, “it's my car,” and I laughed out loud. And asked, “You have 2 brakes in your family car?” Haha, and he said, “yeah, this is required to be an instructor here.” Well, a moment of silence here. He also shared that he never taught his wife how to drive here because if you hit a person on the road, you’ll have to flee the country; your life is over in this part of the world! :P It was sad for me to hear for two reasons - why will his wife only hit somebody on the road, and the other was.. he was not confident in his teaching; how will I clear my test! :P

Anyhow, I have another lesson left, and I am already feeling so unprepared. The driving test is like an acting test here; just look behind your shoulder every now and then and check the rearview mirror every 8 seconds, or else you’ll automatically fail! Crazy but true, if I watch the mirror every now and then, how will I focus! :P

Hmm… Let's see what's next. I am hopeful.

Dear God, as always, you are needed. Please be there with me during my test and distract the examiner! Love you. :))

First day at work!

So, today was my first day at work in this country. I was all excited. Nowadays, I am feeling everything with a higher intensity. Maybe that's the thing with a broken heart; every emotion is just overflowing, leaving me vulnerable in every situation. If it's a happy emotion, it's ecstatic. Today, I was able to feel music after a very long time, and not just feel it, but I found myself floating in it. I read it somewhere; heartbreak gives a kind of superpower... Not sure though... Maybe whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

I find it difficult to feel happy most days, but today was different. I was happy... I am happy, as if I am crawling back from the darkness. 

Anyway, today was good. I got up early and started prepping for my day. I had my coffee, got ready, and left for the train station. I boarded my train while listening to some really awesome music, and before I could wake up from the strong high I was feeling from the music, I was at my destination. I walked to the office, and a good day started.

It was my first day with my boss and colleagues, and I really liked it. In the afternoon, my boss took me for a welcome lunch, which was super cool. Oh yes, I enjoyed the food with the same crazy intensity. Something was totally different. I was a little scared today... I feel scared when I feel happy, scared of not feeling this way for long enough, scared of falling back into the darkness.

I came back home around 4 pm and wanted to linger on to this happy feeling for a little longer. I decided to go to the gym, which I again loved, followed by home-cooked kadhi chawal for dinner! :P

All in all, I am feeling really good right now. I am sure I won't be sleeping any sooner today, thanks to my excess caffeine intake, but yay, it was a good day. *touchwood*

I hate myself for being so much in love; I just want to be out of it. It's scary. I really wish to move ahead with my life.

I hate myself. Really.

Dear God, please, please, please help me!

Devil's year!

2020 was indeed a Devil's year. My year!

I know, I know it's not over as yet, but, it was a strangely comforting year for me, I know the case with most of the world is different.

I am so much in love with the whole situation of work from home, chilling and working at peace. I know the work hours are crazy but that's alright. I love keeping my devil mind busy with work or else it starts driving me mad.

The only thing I am badly missing this year is my workout, and have gained a lot of weight which I know will take time to go off, but I am somehow at peace. Other times I am on fire. :P

The whole year was kind of okay.... but, as I have a history with Decembers, my demons are hyper-active once again and I am finding it really hard to cope up with my own self. I think I would blame it on winters. I feel everything with a deeper intensity when the weather is cold. I am meant to be living in hot climates to avoid emotions. :P

Actually, it's not even proper winters as yet in Delhi, but this morning I could hear some loud clouds and they are giving me hopes for colder days ahead, that says messier mind!

I think I should read more on the correlation between mind and winters, at least for me it's something serious. Or maybe it's just full moon effect! 

Oh! and it's raining cats and dogs already, colder days ahead. 

Every time it's raining here in Delhi, I can't help thinking it must be snowing up on the mountains. I know I am crazy.

Rains are always a good start and it's just 7'o clock in the morning. Well, the beautiful start of my messy day. 

Dear God. please take care of my people. I love you. :)))

Damned

I was reading Bukowski this morning and I couldn't help connecting with his mind. It was all.. oh so soulful. Some days, I feel I am another him, other days I am Rumi.

Sometimes I feel scared... Scared of myself. I have seen myself doing things I never imagined I could do in my right mind. Stop eating food for days, stopped talking to people randomly,  leaving my job and just escaping away to random places, and blah blah blah. I can't handle my own mind most of the times!

I feel these days I am unable to manage my thoughts and feeling everything way too much.. this is again weirdly scary. And as a defense mechanism my mind is already plotting a plan which will be again somewhat unexpected... destructive maybe.

I am too old school to be alive in this era. Sometimes, I feel why can't I live like normal people, feeling fewer emotions and not attaching myself to anyone. I hate feeling too much. I feel I have a vulnerable soul, prone to emotional accidents. 

Can you recognize that feeling where you are dying... Feeling like thousand pins stuck in your head at the same time and you are unable to breathe, mostly late at nights and early mornings? Though there is no fixed time for this feeling this takes everything out of me and I can't stop thinking. I don't know if it is a disease! Ah maybe!

I feel I am damned. Maybe doomed. All at the same time. 

I am a happy person but I am an insane emotional fool. I can't get over my own thoughts and I am scared someday I will just do something absolutely crazy. On top of all this, I see dreams which are further destructive for my own self.

Ahh, whatever.

I don't know what all I just wrote. Some random stupid stuff. But I need to write, I badly need to express more. And I can't. And I hate it. 

Oh dear God, I need your help. Seriously. Help help help!

And please take care of my people. Love you.

Mindful Thoughtlessness,Thoughtful Mindlessness

It's not that I didn't miss you in the past year, I did and I wrote but it just didn't make it to the blog.

I have never been more mindless. I am blank than ever. My mind crosses more than a thousand thoughts every day. The things I decide in the morning sounds obsolete by the same evening and anything I think late at night sink away with the sunrise. But I know that's how I have become lately. This is some other form of mental illness. Mindlessness but peace. Another dimension. Different vibration.

It's hard to say anything, so I don't say anything. It's funny how stupid I find it, every time I write something. 

My dreams are weirder than ever. Crazy funny terrible terrific dreams. I wait for the night to begin my journey into my 'dreamworld', and my night usually never begins before morning. Well.

Sleeplessness. I don't know from when I started having sleepless nights, maybe from the day I stopped working out. It's all upside down. I don't know what's real anymore.

I wanted to mark my presence here. This month I am completing 10 years with Pearl. Though I know, when I will read this post... I will refuse to admit... it was my thoughts ruling it. Well.

Confused. Mindless. Funny. Stupid. Me.

Anyway. It's time to say goodbye. I will try to write again, something, something better. Maybe. Some other day.

Thank you, dear God, thank you for everything. 

Caffeinated, Forever!

Addictions are difficult.

Difficult to live with, 

Difficult to get rid of!

Going through the list of ringtones available in my handset, I came across this "Caffeinated Rattlesnake" tone, anything with caffeine attached to its name has a special significance in my life.

I am addicted to caffeine and I think its the most difficult habit for me to get rid of. Good 16 years I have spent caffeinating myself every single day!

One fine morning, I decided to find out a solution to move over this addiction, as usual, I thought of Mr. Google, my savior for a majority of the practical problems prevailing in my life, at any point of time.

I came across this habit formation theory of minimum 21-days. This theory states that if you continue to do something for 21 days or more you can form a habit or may get rid of it. Its very a controversial statement though and is contradicted by many researchers over a period of time.

In the 1950s, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a well-known plastic surgeon observed a strange pattern among his patients, he claimed that it usually takes 21 days for any of his patients to accept their new look or to get used to his/her new features modified by plastic surgery. This theory was further contradicted and backed by many types of research where it was observed a minimum of 66 days were required to form any new lifestyle change or modify any habit. Pheww!

Despite all the researches done, it's very funny, how can someone get rid of a habit he or she spent 16 years forming in just 21 days or for that matter 66 days. It's not even practical.

Even if I try to recall, in the last 16 years I have only quit coffee once, I am very proud to say this though, but, the reason was not even acceptable. I never decided and quit even at that point, there was this time in life when I used to forget drinking coffee, forget almost everything including water and food. And I clearly remember it was my internship period during my MBA days, what a terrible time to recall! Ah, anyway. 

But on a very serious note, now, I believe its high time to get rid of this pain and try to live like basic people. Oh! I am one of those 'basic people', already, actually. :P

Of course, most of the stupid things, I do, nowadays is primarily because of coffee, and that's one bad habit I can discuss on my blog. :P

I will talk about my sweet addiction, some other day. First, Coffee!

Let's see, when will I grow up and finally get over this weakness. I think I need another coffee now.

Dear God, I know it's no point asking for anything, you'll do whatever you like, You are the Boss. Just take care of my people. :*

Gaumukh Tapovan Trek!

Beginning of this year, a holy man looked at my birth chart and told me, 'You have life threat from Mountains'. I smiled, and said, 'You shouldn't have said that in front of my mom' ;-)

In my head, I thought, we all have to die one day and for me what can be better than mountains.

Today, sitting here, in the second last month of this year, I would like to admit it's not as rosy as it sounds, the whole ‘Dying in Mountains’ idea.  I have seen it very close, twice, this year.  It’s not that I am terrified or something, but I am not very excited about it, anymore.

To summarise my trekking trips this year, I have done quite a few treks in Bali for waterfalls, volcano, and rice fields.  Coming to the mountains, specifically, I have done 3 treks.

Nag Tibba in January, Everest Base Camp in April and Gaumukh Tapovan in the month of October.

I have mentioned briefly about the first 2 in my earlier post and had no intention of writing about Gaumukh Tapovan.

Last week, I was generally talking to my mom and out of the blue, she asked me, ‘Have you blogged about your recent trek?’

 It was surprising for me because she never ever asked about my blog.

I was a bit reluctant, I said, 'No, I didn't write about any of the mountain treks this year. They were not my best.' On which she replied, 'You should, good or bad, it's your journey and experience and it's your blog. It's all about learning'.

I told her about my blog, I think some 7-8 years ago. She is not very tech savvy but to my surprise, she remembered it. Though now she is a pro in online shopping on Myntra, Amazon, Big basket and other apps, this was unexpected.

So, I would like to give all the credit of this post to her. And I am going to skip the bad experience part for the post.

Coming back to my recent trek, Gaumukh Tapovan, it was an unplanned trip which I thought of sitting on Mount Batur in Bali and booked 4 days before the departure.

I didn’t intentionally plan Gaumukh Tapovan, it happened.

I don’t know where to begin.

It was an 8 day long trip with 4 days of trekking itinerary. 2 days for to and fro from Dehradun to Gangotri and vice-versa, 1 additional day at Gangotri and 1 at Bhojwasa Campsite.

Though, I changed my plan a bit and decided to descend alone a day before the trek officially ended.

The trip started from my favorite Dehradun, so much I am in love this place now and it’s like my second home.

As always, I reached Dehradun a day in advance.  This time I met an old friend who shifted to Dehradun sometime back. We went out for dinner and a movie before my trip started.

Day 1- Dehradun to Gangotri drive

After a long day on the road, we reached Gangotri at 7 pm. Had our dinner and slept.

Day 2- Relaxing day at Gangotri

This was an extra day at Gangotri. We roamed around, visited temples and attended Ganga Aarti at Gangotri temple in the evening. Blissful experience it was. The place was damn cold which gave me a fair idea of cold in upcoming days.

Day 3- Gangotri to Chirbassa- 9kms

It was an easy walk. We started around 9 am and reached our 1^st campsite by 3.30pm. The views were mesmerizing and the campsite was good and clean. I discovered a beautiful white sand Ganga beach in the evening and spent an amazing time there.

Day 4- Chirbassa to Bhojwasa- 5kms

A short and not so sweet walk. This day I felt blisters on my feet and the pain was terrible.

In the evening, I covered them with surgical tape but it was of no good. It was in really bad shape.

Plus in the afternoon, I saw some people from other camps were playing cricket so I couldn’t stop myself and joined them and we played till it was dark, for almost 4 hours. At that moment, I absolutely forgot about my blisters though it was paining, but, I was alright.

Day 5- Bhojwasa to Gaumukh to Bhojwasa- 10 kms

It was a long day and a bit tiring as well. For me, it was additionally painful because of my growing blisters. This day we had to cross three ice-cold rivers and my blisters made it worse for me. I am in pain even when I am writing about it, right now.

For the first time, I felt I am losing conscious while crossing the river.

In the ice-cold water, the blisters were hurting like someone was cutting my toes inside the water with a sharp knife, and the tape was all wet and washed off. After crossing the second river, tears started flowing and after crossing the 3^rd one I refused to walk. I just sat down on a big rock and cried for I don’t know how long.

I honestly felt I am going to die and will never be able to walk again in my life.

I couldn’t move because of blister-pain, my legs which were wet in icy water till upper thighs got froze and I was unable to feel any sensation in them for almost an hour. I failed to stand up, multiple times. Gosh! It was damn crazy.

Day 6- Bhojwasa to Gangotri

This day was supposed to be our Bhojwasa to Tapovan trek, but, I decided to descend back for 2 reasons- my blisters and the cold. I was dying to be in warm weather.

I descended alone and lost my way in between, but luckily, I found my way back and reached Gangotri around 5pm.

I was feeling blessed, I found a room and booked it. And for the next day, I decided to go back to Dehradun.

Day 7- Gangotri to Dehradun

I checked for the available mode of transport and boarded a local bus to Uttarkashi and from there I took a shared cab till Dehradun. Pheww!

By 7pm, I was in Dehradun, and I was very happy. It was perfectly warm weather.

Once again, I met my friend in Dehradun and since I had one extra day we celebrated my birthday in advance with another movie and lunch and dinner at an exotic place. And also, I stayed at her place for the extra day for which I never booked anything.

Though I love all weathers, this trip made me realize I can’t bear the excess cold.

For my last day, that was 20^th October, I had booked a nice place for myself and there I got a surprise upgrade so I had an amazing birthday celebration. :)

Overall, I loved my experience. There were certain bad elements I am not willing to talk about.

No, no, the blisters were not the bad part. They were for learning. :)

And yes, no more mountain trips this year. At least, for right now, I think so.  ;-)

Dear God, I love you. Take care of my people. Muuah. :)

Pictures from the trek-